Has your husband or wife left your marriage?
When they first left, did you feel a sense of relief? Not relief that they left, but relief that the consent friction that was occurring in the household has now stopped. It was relief that even though they made the wrong decision to leave at least a decision was finally made.
That feeling of relief soon turns into the reality that your one flesh husband or wife is gone. Oh the pain that causes in your heart. It is a pain like no other pain. Your heart has just been ripped out of your chest, then ripped in half, thrown on the grown and stumped on. If your husband or wife has left you, you know the pain I am talking about.
I Know Your Pain
I know that pain personally, I am going through what you may be going through right now. I cried, actually still do sometimes, I was angry and frustrated, still am sometimes. After all, you and your husband or wife, stood before God and made a covenant, for better or worse, sick or poor, till death. You are angry and frustrated because your spouse didn’t hold true to that covenant. You feel betrayed, and rightfully so.
Who betrayed you? Oh, I hear your answer, my wife that’s who! Or, what do you mean who betrayed me, it was my husband, he was the one who left not me. Yes, in this world both answers are correct. But what is the deeper answer. Your husband or wife didn’t leave because of something you did, sure they may blame it all on you, but the bottom line is they left because they took their eyes off God. They left because the foundation of your marriage was not set firmly on Christ and satan slipped in. Satan began his attack on your marriage the second you said “I do” and worked his tactics on each of you until one of you caved to the evil ones deceptions.
Think about it, would you have married your spouse knowing that he or she was going to walk out on you years later? Of course not, you both married each other believing your marriage would last forever.
Not About Blame
This isn’t about the blame game, the marriage is broken. Satan at this moment has the upper hand. Now what are you going to do about it? Regardless if your husband or wife left, part of your vows were for better or worse, this is the worse part. Sure man’s law might say you are divorced, you might have been the one who initiated it at the request of your spouse or through your anger of them leaving. That doesn’t matter, in God’s eyes you are still married. Are you willing to hold true to your covenant vows even though your husband or wife hasn’t? For better or worse. If your husband was still home, but sick would you walk away from him or sit by his bed side and nurse him to health? If your wife had an drug problem, would you walk away from her or get her into a recovery program and support her through her recovery? Your spouse leaving due to satan’s temptations is no different. He or she has been taken captive by the evil one. They have taken their eyes off God, believed the devils lies that life is so much better without you in it. Believing that they are “free” to live a worldly life, go out with as many women or men as they want. Maybe they have even been deceived in thinking they have found true love with someone else, a counterfeit replacement of you. Whatever they are doing or thinking, they are being deceived and have been taken captive by the evil one.
Stand For Your Marriage
Are you willing to stand in the gap for your husband or wife during this time just as you would if they were in ill health or had an addiction problem? They are a prisoner of satan. What did your covenant vows mean to you? Isn’t your husband or wife sick right now with deception from satan? Aren’t they addicted to the worlds view of life?
Stand for your marriage, stand in the gap for your husband or wife. Pray for them daily, after all, if you don’t pray for them who will? Stand for God’s will in both your spouse’s life and yours. Pray that they will reach up to God and ask for forgiveness. At the same time, pray for yourself. Pray that God will make you into HIS image. The marriage failed because both of you were not grounded in Christ, the foundation was not as strong as it needed to be. Build your own personal foundation on Christ. Live your life as Christ directs you. Pray for your husband or wife. Let God make changes in both of you.
Get support, standing for your marriage is the hardest thing you will ever do. It is much harder than living in a broken marriage. Satan is pulling at us standers every minute of every day to give up. You need support. Trust me, support will be hard to find from your friends or family when it comes to standing for a man or woman who walked out on you. You see your friends and family saw how this person hurt you. They will not understand how you can stand for someone who treated you so badly. They have not made the covenant with your spouse and with God… you have. God will send you someone who will understand your commitment and they will stand with you. That someone God sends you may be in the form of a ministry. For me, God sent me to Rejoice Marriage Ministries. Please visit their site. Read their story of divorce and re-marriage. This is a real couple, who believe in Jesus Christ and their whole ministry is focused on the Bible and God as it relates to marriage restoration.
Like I said I am where you are, I am standing. I know you are hoping for a miracle, you are wanting to know “when” your husband or wife will return and you are looking for “signs”. I can tell you the only real answer to the question of when they will return is in God’s timing and only in God’s timing. Please don’t look for sites on the internet that talk of time-lines, or listen to friends who tell you about the circumstances of what your spouse is doing and with who. The bottom line is, God has a plan for you in HIS life. Let God be your spouse for this season. Rely on HIM, He will give you peace and comfort you need.
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
Thanks for your encouragement most of all. I was the one who let my wife down in the marriage when I did not listen to her when I lost my job and found another but had to move away to take it, over her strenuous objections. She even left that night to protest my taking the job. She and her kids moved up with me 5 months later when they were able. But after the move she was never happy or supportive again. When the next job ended she had already decided to leave. We married too quickly, we both admit that. But what you say is accurate. All my friends and family say to me is “let her go, don’t give her any money and get a divorce”. But I married her for life not as a fill-in. I cried when I read: “God will send you someone who will understand your commitment and they will stand with you.” I start now to pray for a person who will stand with me. I remember back over a year ago, only one man spoke to me and said “stand by your wife, even if she is not here with you, care for her as you are able, and stay married.” I start to pray now to accept God’s timing and let him be my spouse for as long as needed. My marriage and my life were not grounded on God. I hope I will turn to Him again and stay by his side.
Joe thank you so much for your honesty and courage. Please know I am standing with you. I am praying for both you and your wife. I pray especially that God will send you a Christian man to come into your life and give you the support and encouragement you need during this time of hurt. Lean on Christ now more than you ever have before, HE is the answer. God’s timing is perfect because HE is perfect. God bless you Joe, and again thank you so much for your honesty in sharing this, you have encouraged me.
Thank you so much for obeying God and writing this. My husband left me a month ago, on our anniversary. He swears there is no one else, he says he is just “unhappy”, that he “is missing the part of him that wants to be in a relationship and do the work required”. We never argued, we talked all the time and laughed all the time. There were some signs and I guess I had a feeling that things weren’t right. You are completely right though. We went to church together, but we never followed through on building a real relationship with God. Every Sunday we would promise to have devotion together every night and pray. We might follow through one or two nights but then life would take over. Since he left I have turned to God and really been praying and studying my Bible. I finally just climbed right up in the Father’s lap and asked him to hold me. My friends all think I am crazy and that I am setting myself up for more hurt. I feel like I have to follow what God is putting in my heart. I am praying that my husband will go to a Christian counselor and work to turn his internal struggles over to God. I am praying for him and I am praying for me. Satan keeps coming at me and making me feel like it is a waste of time and he is never coming back but I get right on my knees and ask God to help me. I was there today when I had the urge to look online and see if I could find anything on saving a broken marriage. God led me right to you. Thank you.
Hi Patrca, Let Christ be your husband during this season. satan is working on you just as he is your husband. Don’t let satan win! Let your relationship with Christ grow to a level that it has never been. You will need support during this time, and can find it at Rejoice Marriage Ministries, Charlene & Bob Steinkamp have gone through what you are experiencing right now.
I really hate to burst in on this conversation with a wonderful therapist. She does not know the whole story. You two meeting online and dating long distance. Not knowing what was going on while you each were away from one another, There are always two sides. If only you would have listened in the beginning, your heart would not be in this hurtful situation now. He was not ready for marriage. He felt you were pushing him and he had no way to pull out. You had proof written and placed right in your face in his own writing. I truly believe God has answered your prayers already. Sometimes we do not want the answer NO. Sometimes God says yes, sometimes wait and see, not yet and sometimes NO. We must be willing to accept this answer also. JC has made a commitment already to be alone and his saying he cannot live up to the commitment of your marriage or putting in what it takes is his decision to get out. For a while he had his cake and was eating it too. Although he is a wonderful man and a great parent, he deep inside wants what he wants and when he wants it. He said in the beginning you did not give him what he wanted or needed but yet you kept on and he married you. He needed your car and income at the time as he didn’t want that taken away. Now you have gotten him on his feet again and he used you for this purpose. I also have gotten on my knees many times and cried out to God….in time he has shown me NO, this was not his will for me. Going to church together does not make one a christian. I was married to a man who was called to preach, Went to Bible college and Seminary with him only to come home and find him in the privacy of our bedroom with a deacon’s wife. Church is a hospital for sinners. God is the only answer. I will continuously pray for your healing but putting all your dirty laundry on the internet although it may make you look prim and proper is not the way to keep him. He hates this kind of stuff and you know it. He and everyone else reads this. He wants NO drama. His mind is already made up. You need a Christian psychologist to talk to in private and suggest this for you.
Hi there. I am really trying to look for the best reference to be shared with a friend who is going through like yours now and I stumbled on this humble post of yours. This will really help more and more husbands and wives realize their own mistakes, forgiveness, acceptance and courage to stay committed to their marriage despite the odds.
I will definitely share your link, thanks again!
Hi Weng, Thank you for visiting, I am glad you found Broken Marriage helpful and I hope you friend does as well.
I couldn’t stop crying after reading your article. I just found out that my husband of 5yrs was having a relationship with a back-up singer in our choir, who I thought was a friend to me. I felt betrayed by both of them. My husband has had a problem with flirting with girls in the past, but it has never gotten to this point. Another major issue in our marriage has been money. My husband has stolen money from me and has in the past taken out credit cards in my name and ran them up. This has brought me soo much pain over the years and it made me a hard woman. I’ve come to realize that I too was to blame for the demise of my marriage but I am willing to have God change me to a better person. My husband on the other hand doesn’t want to work on this marriage any longer. He plans to move out soon and just wants to “live his life and be happy” as he says. I know that he still flirting with girls on the internet. He has a facebook account that he thinks I don’t know about and I know he signed up for a dating website. Part of me wants him to leave and just start my life over for me and my baby, and the other part of me wants to continue fighting for this marriage. Although he has done so much damage to me, I still love him. I want God to deal with his issues and come back to me a changed man.
Maggie, I too cried when I read your comment. I felt your pain in your words. I am praying for you and your husband. Satan is raging war against marriages, we must stop him and we can with the POWER OF JESUS CHRIST! Pray for the man you married, pray a hedge of protection around him and a wall of fire, pray daily for him throughout your day. Place a hedge of thorn bushes beyond the hedge of protection to fend off the counterfeit woman. Place all your faith in God. I stand with you Maggie!
To begin i would like to let everyone know i will be using the the true names
Heavenly Father: YAHUWAH
The Messiah: YAHUSHUA
Holy Spirit: Ruach Ha KODESH
People are always going to tell “us” that we are crazy for standing for our marriage. the heart of YAHUWAH is the heart we must look at for the example. Allow me a few minutes of your time to explain. the last time the 12 tribes of Israel were united was in the reign of king Solomon. after that 2 1/2 tribe (Judah, Levi and half of Benjamin) stayed in the south a.k.a the Jews today. the other remain 10 tribes went to the north and wanted no parts of the Torah and the commandments of the heavenly Father. they simulated the hethans. since they no longer want to be faithful to YAHUWAH they in other words divorce the heavenly father. now here’s the might and potatos……. HE loved Israel so much that HE took HIS RIGHT ARM (YAHUSHUA the messiah) and sent it to the earth to die so that HE may remarry Israel again and everyone else in the world that wanted to come in to HIS Malchut/kingdom aka the marriage supper of the lamb.. YAHUWAH hates divorce and the only reason he allowed it is because of the hardness of our humanly heart. Everything in the bible is about restoration. HE heals and restores and resurrects hurting, broken, & dead marriages and don’t you doubt it not one minute because that’s exactly what hasatan(the deceiver) wants u to do..
now can u just imagine if YAHUWAH did not have the unconditional ahavah/love HE has for, where would we be? Now that’s somethings none of us would want to think about. remember what YAHUSHUA said the measure of rachamim/mercies you have on others is the measure of mercies YAHUWAH will have on you. Now that goes hand and hand with whats YAHUSHUA also said “if your brother sinned against you 7X70 times in one day FORGIVE THEM!!!!!!!!!!! ITS OK TO BE ANGRY BUT DON’T LET THE SUN RAISE ON YOUR ANGER!!! Have the heart of YAHUWAH because HIS is perfect. Remember the easy this to do is give up trust me. sacrifice is hard and it hurts. Must i remind you how hard is was for YAHUSHUA to take the steak? “Abba please remove from me this cup” it was a sacrifice that’s why it was hard for him to do it, none the less HE submitted to the will of HIS ABBA. I’m pretty sure you want this cup to pass from you but for them mean time its not and u must submit. and do it wit a heart that’s in simcha ve gilah / rejoicing and gladness.
I can go on and on and on but the fact of the matter is u are called to stand, answer the call and remain planted and wait for the STRONG RIGHT ARM of YAHUWAH to deliver you!!!
BE STILL AND KNOW I AM YAHUWAH…
A Standers Affirmation
I AM STANDING FOR THE HEALING OF MY MARRIAGE!…
I will not give up, give in, give out or give over ’til that healing takes place. I made a vow, I said the words, I gave the pledge, I gave a ring, I took a ring, I gave myself, I trusted YAHUWAH, and said the words, and meant the words… in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in good times and in bad…so I am standing NOW, and will not sit down, let down, slow down, calm down, fall down, look down or be down ’til the breakdown is torn down!
I refuse to put my eyes on outward circumstances, or listen to prophets of doom, or buy into what is trendy, worldly, popular, convenient, easy, quick, thrifty, or advantageous… nor will I settle for a cheap imitation of YAHUWAH’s real thing, nor will I seek to lower YAHUWAH’s standard, twist YAHUWAH’s will, rewrite YAHUWAH’s word, violate YAHUWAH’s covenant, or accept what YAHUWAH hates, namely divorce!
In a world of filth, I will stay pure; surrounded by lies I will speak the truth; where hopelessness abounds, I will hope in YAHUWAH: where revenge is easier, I will bless instead of curse; and where the odds are stacked against me, I will trust in YAHUWAH’s faithfulness.
I am a STANDER, and I will not acquiesce, compromise, quarrel or quit.. I have made the choice, set my face, entered the race, believed the Word, and trusted YAHWAH for all the outcome.
I will allow neither the reaction of my spouse, nor the urging of my friends, nor the advice of my loved ones, nor economic hardship, nor the prompting of the devil to make me let up, slow up, blow up, or give up ’til my marriage is healed.
- Author Unknown