Has your husband or wife left your marriage?
When they first left, did you feel a sense of relief? Not relief that they left, but relief that the consent friction that was occurring in the household has now stopped. It was relief that even though they made the wrong decision to leave at least a decision was finally made.
That feeling of relief soon turns into the reality that your one flesh husband or wife is gone. Oh the pain that causes in your heart. It is a pain like no other pain. Your heart has just been ripped out of your chest, then ripped in half, thrown on the grown and stumped on. If your husband or wife has left you, you know the pain I am talking about.
I know that pain personally, I am going through what you may be going through right now. I cried, actually still do sometimes, I was angry and frustrated, still am sometimes. After all, you and your husband or wife, stood before God and made a covenant, for better or worse, sick or poor, till death. You are angry and frustrated because your spouse didn’t hold true to that covenant. You feel betrayed, and rightfully so.
Who betrayed you? Oh, I hear your answer, my wife that’s who! Or, what do you mean who betrayed me, it was my husband, he was the one who left not me. Yes, in this world both answers are correct. But what is the deeper answer. Your husband or wife didn’t leave because of something you did, sure they may blame it all on you, but the bottom line is they left because they took their eyes off God. They left because the foundation of your marriage was not set firmly on Christ and satan slipped in. Satan began his attack on your marriage the second you said “I do” and worked his tactics on each of you until one of you caved to the evil ones deceptions.
Think about it, would you have married your spouse knowing that he or she was going to walk out on you years later? Of course not, you both married each other believing your marriage would last forever.
This isn’t about the blame game, the marriage is broken. Satan at this moment has the upper hand. Now what are you going to do about it? Regardless if your husband or wife left, part of your vows were for better or worse, this is the worse part. Sure man’s law might say you are divorced, you might have been the one who initiated it at the request of your spouse or through your anger of them leaving. That doesn’t matter, in God’s eyes you are still married. Are you willing to hold true to your covenant vows even though your husband or wife hasn’t? For better or worse. If your husband was still home, but sick would you walk away from him or sit by his bed side and nurse him to health? If your wife had an drug problem, would you walk away from her or get her into a recovery program and support her through her addiction? Your spouse leaving due to satan’s temptations is no different. He or she has been taken captive by the evil one. They have taken their eyes off God, believed the devils lies that life is so much better without you in it. Believing that they are “free” to live a worldly life, go out with as many women or men as they want. Maybe they have even been deceived in thinking they have found true love with someone else, a counterfeit replacement of you. Whatever they are doing or thinking, they are being deceived and have been taken captive by the evil one.
Are you willing to stand in the gap for your husband or wife during this time just as you would if they were in ill health or had an addiction problem? They are a prisoner of satan. What did your covenant vows mean to you? Isn’t your husband or wife sick right now with deception from satan? Aren’t they addicted to the worlds view of life?
Stand for your marriage, stand in the gap for your husband or wife. Pray for them daily, after all, if you don’t pray for them who will? Stand for God’s will in both your spouse’s life and yours. Pray that they will reach up to God and ask for forgiveness. At the same time, pray for yourself. Pray that God will make you into HIS image. The marriage failed because both of you were not grounded in Christ, the foundation was not as strong as it needed to be. Build your own personal foundation on Christ. Live your life as Christ directs you. Pray for your husband or wife. Let God make changes in both of you.
Get support, standing for your marriage is the hardest thing you will ever do. It is much harder than living in a broken marriage. Satan is pulling at us standers every minute of every day to give up. You need support. Trust me, support will be hard to find from your friends or family when it comes to standing for a man or woman who walked out on you. You see your friends and family saw how this person hurt you. They will not understand how you can stand for someone who treated you so badly. They have not made the covenant with your spouse and with God… you have. God will send you someone who will understand your commitment and they will stand with you. That someone God sends you may be in the form of a ministry. For me, God sent me to Rejoice Marriage Ministries. Please visit their site RejoiceMinistries.org their site. Read their story of divorce and re-marriage. This is a real couple, who believe in Jesus Christ and their whole ministry is focused on the Bible and God as it relates to marriage restoration.
Like I said I am where you are, I am standing. I know you are hoping for a miracle, you are wanting to know “when” your husband or wife will return and you are looking for “signs”. I can tell you the only real answer to the question of when they will return is in God’s timing and only in God’s timing. Please don’t look for sites on the internet that talk of time-lines, or listen to friends who tell you about the circumstances of what your spouse is doing and with who. The bottom line is, God has a plan for you in HIS life. Let God be your spouse for this season. Rely on HIM, He will give you peace and comfort you need.
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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Thanks for your encouragement most of all. I was the one who let my wife down in the marriage when I did not listen to her when I lost my job and found another but had to move away to take it, over her strenuous objections. She even left that night to protest my taking the job. She and her kids moved up with me 5 months later when they were able. But after the move she was never happy or supportive again. When the next job ended she had already decided to leave. We married too quickly, we both admit that. But what you say is accurate. All my friends and family say to me is “let her go, don’t give her any money and get a divorce”. But I married her for life not as a fill-in. I cried when I read: “God will send you someone who will understand your commitment and they will stand with you.” I start now to pray for a person who will stand with me. I remember back over a year ago, only one man spoke to me and said “stand by your wife, even if she is not here with you, care for her as you are able, and stay married.” I start to pray now to accept God’s timing and let him be my spouse for as long as needed. My marriage and my life were not grounded on God. I hope I will turn to Him again and stay by his side.
Joe thank you so much for your honesty and courage. Please know I am standing with you. I am praying for both you and your wife. I pray especially that God will send you a Christian man to come into your life and give you the support and encouragement you need during this time of hurt. Lean on Christ now more than you ever have before, HE is the answer. God’s timing is perfect because HE is perfect. God bless you Joe, and again thank you so much for your honesty in sharing this, you have encouraged me.
Thank you so much for obeying God and writing this. My husband left me a month ago, on our anniversary. He swears there is no one else, he says he is just “unhappy”, that he “is missing the part of him that wants to be in a relationship and do the work required”. We never argued, we talked all the time and laughed all the time. There were some signs and I guess I had a feeling that things weren’t right. You are completely right though. We went to church together, but we never followed through on building a real relationship with God. Every Sunday we would promise to have devotion together every night and pray. We might follow through one or two nights but then life would take over. Since he left I have turned to God and really been praying and studying my Bible. I finally just climbed right up in the Father’s lap and asked him to hold me. My friends all think I am crazy and that I am setting myself up for more hurt. I feel like I have to follow what God is putting in my heart. I am praying that my husband will go to a Christian counselor and work to turn his internal struggles over to God. I am praying for him and I am praying for me. Satan keeps coming at me and making me feel like it is a waste of time and he is never coming back but I get right on my knees and ask God to help me. I was there today when I had the urge to look online and see if I could find anything on saving a broken marriage. God led me right to you. Thank you.
Hi Patrca, Oh how I know exactly what you are going through. The shock, disbelieve, hurt, pain, anger, regret, all the related emotions. Let Christ be your husband during this season. Believe me, satan is working on you just as he is your husband. Don’t let satan win! I too struggle from time to time, sometimes wanting to give up, thinking that the situation is hopeless but it is amazing, when I look to Christ He ALWAYS shows me there is hope and that NOTHING is impossible with God, NOTHING. He has a plan, and HIS timing is perfect. I am adding you to my prayer list. Please know, the hardest thing to do is stand for your marriage after your spouse has left but it is so worth it. Your relationship with Christ will grow to a level that it has never been. You are not crazy, you made a covenant commitment to God and your husband when you took your vows….the world may take light of that, but God sure doesn’t. You will need support during this time, hopefully you will find it here but for sure you will find it at Rejoice Marriage Ministries, Charlene & Bob Steinkamp have gone through what you and I are experiencing right now, I hope you will keep me posted on things here, as well as hook up with RejoiceMinistries.org. As I said, my prayers go out to you and your husband as well. Pray that hedge of protection around him as well as a wall of fire and thorn bushes. Please keep coming back for encouragement and support.
Hi there. I am really trying to look for the best reference to be shared with a friend who is going through like yours now and I stumbled on this humble post of yours. This will really help more and more husbands and wives realize their own mistakes, forgiveness, acceptance and courage to stay committed to their marriage despite the odds.
I will definitely share your link, thanks again!
Hi Weng, Thank you for visiting, I am glad you found Broken Marriage helpful and I hope you friend does as well.