Your in debt right?  You want to get out of debt right?  Of course you do, who wants to live a life in debt.

If you are tired of dealing with the stress of living paycheck to paycheck, tired of dealing with creditors, and/or sick and tired of feeling like your debt situation is hopeless then  I have good news!

I am going to share with you a book written by Scott Stephen.  In it he shares almost everything I coach, teach and mentor when I provide one-on-one coaching.

So why would I direct you to an ebook that someone else wrote as opposed trying to sell my own coaching services?  Simple, I know not everyone is willing or able to invest in my services and yet so many people need some form of help digging out of debt.  This ebook costs less than a personal one-hour call with me and is filled with as much information that I provided in a full three month coaching engagement.

As you will read on his site, Ultimate Debt Guide, you will see that this,  proven to work course, has been featured in such publications as the Wall Street Journal, USA Today, and more.

This isn’t just another ebook that contains a bunch of worthless information.  It is a get out of debt course, with proven principles.  The information is priceless, and works!

Please read all the details and testimonies from those who have worked the course with success.  Don’t let the “sales pitch” style scare you off, this is legit.  You can find out all you need to by clicking this link Ultimate Debt Guide by Scott  Stephen.  You have nothing to loose, there is a 100% money back guarantee, if you don’t think this course can help you get out of debt, return it and get your money back.   So if you don’t order it, it is like saying you want to stay in debt.  Do you?

“I’m Broke….But my kids are happy.”

This is what the lady in front on me at Kmart said yesterday when we were inline as she was unloading a cart full of toys.  She went on to say she had two kids and their birthday’s were coming up. Her posture confirmed her words, she seemed defeated….broke. She seemed guilty knowing she couldn’t afford all that she was buying by the way she was “justifying” her actions by telling complete strangers “but my kids are happy.”

The toys were for kids in the age range of three to five, and I have to admit I felt sad for her as she paid with a credit card. It was as if she was using her last bit of credit limit to portray to her kids “all is okay” and here is more stuff to prove it.

So much ran through my mind, as I watched her, I wanted to reach out and offer advice on how to not be broke, how to stop the cycle of paying with money she didn’t have. I wanted so badly to show her there was a way out from under all that stress, but of course the situation and timing was just not right…she was through the line and on her way.

How many times have you had that same thought process of “I’m broke” but feel like you have to keep paying out money you don’t have to keep someone happy?

I once knew a man who was broke, he was divorced and had a son. He gave his son anything and everything. Video games, two new cars, all kinds of “stuff” which kept the father broke and the son lacking in what he really needed….quality time with his Dad.

So often I talk to people who are in debt, who justify staying in debt because they “have” to buy more “stuff” for someone. Not realizing, that many times the one thing our loved ones want and need, it quality time with us. Quality time that is free to give, but many times the hardest to give.

Why is quality time so hard to freely give to our loved ones? Why is it so much easier to go to the store, buy some stuff,  hand it over with a smile and be on our way while our loved one plays with their new stuff?

Personally, I think it is because we have been to pre-occupied with ourselves. We, as a society, seem to have become desensitized to emotional intimacy with family and loved ones. We have become focused on anything that we can that takes us away from talking to one another, to learning about each other. We have become afraid of listening if that listening involves anything but “happy thoughts.” So what do we do? We focus on stuff. Many times that stuff keeps us further and further away from building deep bonds with people. Video games, TV’s, internet, movie tickets, toys and the like.

All this stuff, keeps us in debt as well as keeps us from knowing those around us. We feel guilt for buying (because we can’t afford it) and we feel guilt from not buying, because we don’t really want to give what is needed that is personal time with others.

Getting out of debt has more benefits than just not owing someone else money, it provides you the ability to give of yourself buy not buying stuff. It opens up the possibility of becoming more creative of how to give of yourself, rather than spending money.

Giving of yourself is far more difficult than spending money, it is also far more rewarding, both in the short term and the long term.

Think about it…take the risk – give a part of you to someone rather than buying something.

Re-posted from March 2008

Much of  spending  done on credit cards with the “promise” of zero interest for so many months, or a low interest rate as long as you make your payments on time. But is it really that simple? No it is not.

Credit card companies trick you, well they actually just play dirty.  They use a great interest rate promotion that they wrap tiny small print around so it ends up costing you thousands of dollars in late fees, over-limit fees, transfer fees, more fees, fees on fees and so on.  Let’s keep in mind it is the interest rates and fees that makes the credit card companies money, YOUR money, because they are in the business to make money, not save you money on interest rates….right?  Well, “theme” of zero interest may be much very ugly to say the least and you may not even be aware of what this tiny print really says.

First and foremost, the best way to avoid “loosing in the game” they plan is to not use credit cards.  Pay cash.  However, I know most people don’t live that way so the next best step is education about what you are getting yoruself into with these “gimmicks”

Beware of the “The Default Clause”, also know as a Universal Default Clause.

We all know if we are late with a payment on a credit card that has given us a zero or low interest rate for a period of time that we will be charge a late fee, and possibly lose that zero or low interest rate.  But did you know that that same credit card can raise your interest rate even if you are on time with that company?  Yes, they can if they are using a universal default clause.  They can legally raise your rate if you are late on any other credit card you have, regardless of what company issued you the card.

Ok, so you say, that’s just a risk I will take.  Or is it?  Then can raise your interest rate to 25 percent or possibly more if you make a late payment on a car loan, mortgage, or even your phone bill.  No joke.

A universal default clause generally states that a creditor reserves the right to penalize you with an increased interest rate if you’re late (in default) of your re-payment terms — of a payment to any other creditor not just that of the issuing company. They justify this because, in theory, if are late with one creditor, you are a greater credit risk and are more likely to pay other debts, including the issuing card late.

Creditors also have the right to routinely monitor your credit file. So a creditor with a universal default clause will be watching, waiting, time is on their side. Remember, credit card companies are not your friend, there are in business to make money….Your money!

The top three default triggers that cause your interest rates to spike are a decline in credit score, paying your mortgage late, and paying your car loan late.

But there is even more to worry about.

Under the universal default clause, your interest rates can be increased for many other reasons, including exceeding your credit limit, bouncing a check, having too much debt, having too much credit, getting a new credit card, applying for a car loan, and applying for a mortgage loan. Once you signed up for a credit card with a universal default clause, you gave the credit card company card blanche’ over you, and your money. (see why I say stay away from credit cards?)

This effects your financial future in a bad way. Let’s look at this example. You’re an average American household, with $8,000 of credit card debt. Assuming you make no additional purchases on your card, you have a 9 percent interest rate, and you make the minimum monthly payment, it will take you 218 months (18 years) to pay off your debt and you’ll end up paying $3,334 in interest. Who wins here? (credit card company…you loose)

Now let’s assume that for whatever reason you were late one month with your car payment. They gotchya, the late payment triggers the universal default clause with your credit card issuer, and now your penalty rate gets increased to 26 percent. It will now take you 679 months (56 years) to pay off your credit card debt, and get this — you’ll pay $30,813 in interest. Talk about a monkey on your back, that is discouraging.

What if you had three cards with a universal default clause..interest rates go up on all of them due to one late payment on your car.

So how do you avoid this little clause?

Well if you have been reading my blog for any period of time you know what I am going to say about beating the universal default clause….”Don’t use credit cards!”

However, since most of you probably already have credit cards, and some have the clause so here is some ideas to protect yourself.

1.  Many cards have stopped using the universal default clause.

Read your fine print, you may be lucky to have a card that is not using this clause or has discontinued the clause (keep in mind they may have just discontinued on new purchases and your old purchases may still be under the clause, tricky aren’t they?)

2. If you know you have a card that has the clause.

Move your balance to a card that you know does not have the clause.  Better yet, pay it off in full.  Get a small loan to pay it off, just get the balance of that card and then close that account for good.

If you’re unsure if the card has the clause, cause who can understand that fine print anyway, call the credit card company and ask what specific circumstances will affect your interest rate.

Use local credit union cards over national cards.  They are easier to work with, and although they will still be tricky, they aren’t as bad.

3. Run your credit report.

Not only do you need to know exactly what your current interest rates are, you also need to know exactly what’s on your credit report. Visit AnnualCreditReport.com to order your credit report and credit score today. You should make a practice of this every quarter with a different reporting bureau, this way you can make sure what is being reported is accurate.

4. Always pay your bills on time.

If you can’t pay on time, chances are you are over extended and are not properly managing your money. Read Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover.  Make a budget on paper so you can see exactly where your money is going, chances are you are you have plenty of money, you are just not managing it properly.

Avoid the universal default clause by not using credit cards.  If you do, be careful to stay on top of your credit card agreements they can change at any time. Better yet, I think I am repeating myself, make a plan to become debt free and pay cash pay yourself not the credit card companies.

originally posted June 2008

Becoming wealthy is not about the amount of money you make.

Stop laughing, it is true, as soon as you stop thinking you are going to gain wealth by making more then the quicker you will gain wealth.

You get rich from educating yourself. You must learn how to manage your money, discipline yourself with money, learn how to invest your money.

Education is the key in becoming wealthy. Now I can guarantee if you have a loser type thought process you just tuned out and probably left this page. That is why 90% of America is poor and/or living paycheck to paycheck….most people are lazy and don’t want to learn.

Face it, we all want that pie in the sky idea of the “get rich quick” solution. One tenth of one percent of people stumble onto that quick solution. Of those that do “get rich quick” say the lottery winner, historically loose all there winnings within 5 to 10 years if not sooner because they were not educated in how to handle the money.

If you can’t manage $20,000 a year, how can you expect to know how to manage a win-fall of $500,000 a year? You just can’t. Also, if you “think” you know everything there is to know about money, you are lying to yourself. Nobody knows everything about any one topic. Sure, some of us are smarter about certain topics than others, but we all have room to learn regardless of the topic. As soon as you get arrogant about your knowledge on any one topic, that is a good sign that you are really ignorant and getting lazy.

So, if you are still reading then I owe it to you to give you some of my recommendations of ways to gain education about how to handle money and become wealthy. Now this is just a select few, and as I blog through the days and weeks ahead I will continually add more, it is a never ending list.

Of course, being a Dave Ramsey Certified Financial Counselor I am going to recommend Dave’s book The Total Money Makeover – great book for the beginner who is in debt and needs an idea of where to start to learn how to get out of debt

Another great read is Larry Winget’s Shut Up, Stop Whining, and Get a Life I love this book, it is an in your face reality check. If the book makes you mad, great, that means you are reading it, and it is touching a nerve. It is all about some good old tough love, and I believe in tough love. You have to focuses on handling yourself, after all, you have to be able to handle yourself before you can begin to handle money.

Learn about money with the whole family by playing Cash Flow 101 by Robert Kiyosaki, he is the author of Rich Dad Poor Dad another great book on how to educate yourself on what money is. You have to learn how to think, if you say to yourself “I can’t afford it” you have just turned off your brain..it is a defeatist thought. Instead, focus on “how can I afford it” this get your mind’s creative juices flowing and opens your eyes to money making possibilities.
Education is worthless if you don’t put what you learn into practice. It is easy to become a lifetime student, reading and learning for years, but it won’t help you unless you get past the fear, get off the couch and put what you learn into practice. Make mistakes, learn from your mistakes and move forward

Short of losing a loved one either through divorce or death, losing your job is one of the most stressful life changing  events you will experience.  It is stressful both emotionally and physically.   It can be a huge knock to your self esteem.  You may feel like a failure.  In some cases, you may have family members who blame you for the job loss.  You may even feel that you want to just give up due to the heavy financial responsibilities you have looming.  Don’t!  Don’t give up!!

When a job loss occurs you can do one of two things.  You can turn inward, cry “woo is me” feel sorry for yourself, sit at home and collect the unemployment check.   But what do you do when  the unemployment check stops….then what?  It is almost like going through a second job loss.

The second, and recommended option for  you  is to stand up, brush yourself off and look forward not backward.  There is light at the end of the tunnel and it is not a train.  Yes, losing your job is terrible, but it is also a time to take a step back and re-evaluate your goals.   It is a time to ask yourself some questions such as:

• Did I really like what I was doing at that job?  Maybe now is a good time to change careers.
• What else can I do that will bring in enough money to pay for the living expenses of my family? You can get a part time job in the evenings that will keep some money flow coming in, UPS, Fed Ex pay pretty well for loading trucks in the evening.  Even delivering pizza could bring in $750 to $1000 extra a month on top of unemployment.  Use your imagination, think out of the box.

Focus on the fact that you are not unemployed, but that you have a new job…your full time job is to find a job,  this not the time to think “oh, I will be getting an unemployment check for the next several weeks so I can just kick back and relax.”  This is no time to relax, your bills are not taking a break, they will keep coming each and every month.   You need to do whatever it takes to insure you keep up with your responsibilities.  Sadly, unemployment checks lull many people into a false sense of security, it is designed to be a temporary hand up not a replacement for your job.

So what do you do?  First and foremost you need to inventory your financial situation.    If you don’t have a budget, now is the time to work a budget.   You are in crisis mode so make sure the four walls get paid first, housing, utilities, food, transportation.  Sadly, during the time of a job loss is the time you may realize you have been living beyond your means.    You may have to make some tough decisions to cut back on expenses, such as selling a car maybe two to get into a much cheaper car, even one that is only $2000 to  $5000 instead of making a $400 or $500 car payment each month.  A cheaper car will also reduce your insurance payments as well.

Credit cards need to be paid but during times of financial crisis they don’t take precedence over utilities, rent/mortgage or food.   Please don’t mis-interrupt what I am saying, I am not saying don’t pay your credit cards.  I am saying they may not get paid for a few months while you manage your money to keep your household going until you get new employment.

Get your resume’ up-to-date, there are wonderful resources online that can help you get your resume’ in an updated format.   I would recommend customizing your resume’ for each job you are interviewing for, that way you can highlight key areas for that specific job to make them stand out more.   The key is to make your resume’ stand out above  everyone else.

Practice interviewing, go to job interviews regardless of your experience or desire for that position just to get the practice of interviewing.    An important part of the interview is first impression, right from the first handshake, make if firm, don’t give a weak, limp wrist handshake.  Show by your handshake you are confident no defeated.

Each evening sit down and write our your schedule for the next day.  Where are you going to look for a job, which sites online will you investigate.  Contact your friends and other coworkers.  Network with as many people as possible.

Each weekday morning  wake up by 6:00am, take a shower and dress for success.  Whether you have a job interview or not, you need to keep in the habit of getting up and getting ready just as if you had a paying job, this will keep you motivated and fresh for interviews.    Remember, even though you are not bringing in a paycheck you do have a full time job….your job is to get a job.

You may have to get a evening part time job to bring in a little bit of money while you are looking for a full time job during the day.  Yes, you will be more tired being unemployed than if you were employed full time working 8 hours a day.   The job of looking for a job is always much harder than having a job.

You were dealt a major blow to the ego when you were laid off from your job, the choice is yours on whether you will take this blow as a negative or turn it into a positive.    Yes, times may be tough in your area and there may be “no jobs” but what does “no jobs” really mean?  No jobs at the salary you were used to getting?  Maybe.  But there are always jobs to be hired for, even if it is day labor, working at a fast food restaurant or UPS.  The key is get some form of employment to keep money coming in and meet your major financial responsibilities.    Believe me, in my financial coaching I have heard every excuse in the book of why someone is unable to find work, but the key word here is “excuses.”  If you want to work, you will find work.

Take this life changing experience one step further and reach up to God.  Recommit your life to HIM, He will guide your steps and give you the peace you need to move forward.  He will never give you more than you can handle, have faith in HIM, He will see you through this.

So a friend or even a relative has come to you explaining how they found this great car.  They tell you it has low mileage, ice cold air, runs smooth.  It has new tires, and for a three year old car the price is fantastic.

They go on and on about the car, how it is just what they were looking for.  They ask if you will come take a look at the car, take it for a test drive so you can give them your honest opinion about the great vehicle.

You are flattered that they value your opinion and are glad to take them up on the offer to help.  You look at the car and even agree it is in great shape and the price isn’t bad and mention that with a little bit of negotiating they price would be perfect.

Now that they have you agreeing with them about the car they mention that they have the down payment, and remind you about that new job they just got five months ago so making the payments will be not problem.  They finish that statement with a “but.”  Even though they have the down payment, and can make the payments, they don’t qualify for a loan and they ask if you would be willing to co-sign for them.   They give you every assurance that they can make the payments and that you would have nothing to worry about.  Can you help them out and just “give them a signature?”

Now, lets take a look at this.  They have the down payment, and income from a job of five months that will more than cover the monthly payments.  Why would they need a co-signer?  Simple, contrary to the surface indications that they can afford this car, the bank as proof that this person does not make payments on time or maybe not at all.  The bank considers this person too high a risk to lend them money without the guarantee, in the form of a signature, from someone who has a proven track record of making regular on time payments.  That way, when your friend or relative misses a payment or two, or three (and they will, otherwise they wouldn’t need the co-signer) the bank can and will count on you to cover the loan.

This concept of co-signing isn’t a new one.  For thousands of years people have been guaranteeing the loans of others and are then stuck holding the bag (paying off the loan)

It’s stupid to guarantee  someone’s loan. Proverbs 17:18

So if the concept of co-signing or guaranteeing has been something so bad and common that God felt it necessary to put a warning in the Bible about it, why would any one co-sign a loan for anything? After all, we have been warned it is “stupid.”

So since the Bible is what I consider “Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth” and more importantly, God’s word, I would never co-sign a loan, regardless of amount, for anyone.

When a bank requires a co-signer they are stating “this person can’t manage money can’t be trusted with this money”

Are you mean, unloving or not a good friend if you don’t “help out” by co-signing? Actually you are just the opposite.  You are a person who is not willing to enable your friend or loved one to continue to mis-manage their money as well as someone who is following Biblical guidance.

You are someone who just may be the person who helps your friend or family member begin a new journey in life. You can take this opportunity to sit with them and help them work a budget teach them how to handle their money so pay for a car on their own without the help of anyone else.

Give a man a fish feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime.

How do you want to help your friend or loved one?

“But blessed are those who trust in the Lord
and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.. -  Jeremiah 17:7 NLT

What to you think of when you here the word “economy?”  As of late that word is usually prefaced by “in this” so put it together and your have “in this economy.”

The media is not using these three words in positive way.  These words are usually in the same topic matter as foreclosure, unemployment rate, stock market is down, and the like.

When you hear these words, if you are like most people, you probably get a little scared.  You are most likely feeling some uncertainty and fear.

All this negative media talk creates fear in most, fear causes people to make knee jerk decisions that many times would never be made with a calm positive attitude and after much research.

On April 23 of this year Dave Ramsey presented the Town Hall For Hope, it was a  live even that originally thought would be aired in around 500 venues around the country.  Well, the American people are so disparate to hear something positive, to hear a word of hope that over 6000 venues signed up to air this even.  Over a million people attended in person.  Response was so overwhelming, that Fox Business Network decided to air the event live.  They didn’t just air the actual town hall, they aird an one hour pre-show as well as a 30-minute post show.  That is 3 hours that Fox Business gave to this event.

On top of that Fox Business Network is re-airing all three hours on April 25 and again on April 26.  Now, for a large network like Fox to take 9 total hours out of their normal programming to air a special event like this you know if must be hitting a topic matter that  American’s  want to hear.

Why?  Why is this so popular?  It is a sign that we, you and me, are tired of the doom and gloom.  It is a sign that we want hope and need to hear something speak this hope and most importantly remind us that our hope is NOT in the government but in our Lord Jesus.

This economey can be turned around by you and me.  I can be turned around by focusing on Christ, by doing the right thing which is spending if we have the means.   We can return hope to ourselves by giving to others, if not financially, then by giving of our time.

It is time we took back our country.  Take action and know who your Senators and House of Representatives are.  Know how they are voting and if it is not how you agree, or acting in a way that you expeceted them to act when you voted for them, then contact them.  If their voting record doesn’t change, take action and vote them out next term.

Whining provokes fear, prayer, faith and action creates hope.

Take back your country, choose hope!

I refuse to participate in the recession!

I refuse to participate in fear!

This is such an important topic and event I have posted it both here as well as over on TFV.

The media talk of gloom and doom when it comes to our economy which has many making decisions based on fear, most decisions based on fear are the wrong decision to make.  Well it is time we heard some HOPE and that is what Dave Ramsey is going to do on April 23.  He is going to hold a FREE town hall meeting and share HOPE.

Please participate and join this free event.  Information is included in the embedded video as well as the link for Townhall for Hope locations.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=AVWNmW00id8

Vow today that you will not participate in the recessions.  That is what will turn this economy around!

There are various methods of getting out of debt, the one I like best is the Debt Snowball. It is simple, and provides a quicker sense of accomplishment. Dave Ramsey is the primary advocate of the debt snowball.

So what is it? Well, before I get into the details, I first want to encourage you to make sure you have at least $1000 in the back before you start paying down your debt. This should be used as your emergency fund. Always keep that $1000 in the back so if you have an emergency, you won’t create more debt in taking care of the emergency.

Basically, it is paying the lowest balance first.

If you are seriously trying to get out of debt, you’ve already heard of Dave Ramsey, and especially if you are reading this blog.

Dave is a straight forward, no-holds-barred, tell you like it is kinda person when it comes to helping people get out of debt. He was once in debt so he speaks from experience. He has decades of experience mentoring people to get out of debt and live debt free. His background is not just from experience but is also Bible based by stating “The borrower is slave to the lender” Proverbs 22:7.

He hosts a daily radio show as well as a broadcast each weeknight on Fox Business News and encourages listeners who have become debt free to call in and scream “I’m/we’re Debt Free!!” as an inspiration to others who are working toward debt freedom.

Some people love him others hate him, either way he is absolutely determined to get you out of debt, and so am I.

I too have been in debt, and although I did not used the debt snowball to get out of debt (didn’t know about it back then) I am now debt free. I also believe the debt snowball is the best way to getting out of debt.

So as I mentioned earlier, it is the process of placing your smallest debt first and working your way down to the highest debt.

How do you do this?

Take all your bills, not your living expense bills like water, electric, utilities, house, food, etc. and list them, from lowest balance balance to highest balance

Pay the minimums on all the bills except the first, and pay as MUCH as you can on that one until it’s gone. Usually, this smallest debt is $200 to $600 dollars, and once it is paid off, you have an quick sense of success. That is the whole point of this process. Small victories.

Continue to the second bill, adding the amount you paid on the first before it was paid off and pay that one, hence picking up more dollars each time you pay off a bill and placing those dollars on the next bill (snowball effect)

Do this until the last bill is gone. Now keep in mind it is not just about the debt snowball process, you must also be working a budget and cutting back on spending all at the same time, see Money Management aka Cash Flow and How to Get Out Of Debt.

There are some pros and cons of the debt snowball, I find the pros out way the cons but here they are:Pros:

Easy to set up

Easy to follow

Many small victories

Cons:

Overall, more interest paid then with other methods, however, I have found other methods are harder to stick to.

With that said, as Dave says, this isn’t about the math, it is about the forming of a habit of paying off debt. It reinforces the habit by giving early positive results.

As with anything you must stay focused, and commit to follow it through to the end. The small victories and success of paying off that first small bill helps early reinforcement that it is working.

Being debt free is a life time commitment, not just a short term solution. Stay focus and you will be successful.

We all have life changing experiences. I believe that each life changing experience happens for a reason. I also believe that once the initial shock and hurt subsides it is a good time for self reflection. It is a good time for self evaluation, to determine how this change can improve who we are as individuals and how we can better contribute to our personal and professional relationships.

Many times these life changes involve relationships. Sometimes we are naive and trusting to a fault, and/or we have no real education in how to identify safe people verses unsafe people that come and go in our lives. Wouldn’t it be so much easier if we knew ahead of time if a person was safe or not before we invested our time, love and energy and sometimes money into them?

In order to have continued success; spiritually, personally, professionally and financially, we have to be able to identify what type of people we are allowing into our lives. Are the people close to us, those in our spiritual, personally and professional lives safe or unsafe? Do the people around you help you improve who you are as a person? Do they help improve you professionally? Do they help improve you spiritually?

Do you help improve those around you? You see, not only do you need to identify safe people to be around, but you too must identify if you are a safe person for others to be around. It is important to correct areas in your life where you are unsafe.

We are all unsafe in some form. Nobody is perfect. However, the first thing that starts to identify you as a safe person is that you can recognize you are not perfect, that you are open for self improvement and personal development. As we improve who we are, we also help improve the safe people around us. Those who are unsafe many times are unable to admit their flaws or if they can admit a flaw, they seldom, if ever, focus on personal development, behavior change or self improvement, they instead focus more on the flaws of others.

As you have probably figured out by now, I am a big fan of personal development/self improvement books, especially those with a Christian perspective. Recently I came upon a book by the same authors of the exceptional book “Boundaries.” This book, “Safe People: How to Find Relationships that are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren’t” is also a must read.

I have always believed that there is good in most people, especially Christians. I also believed and know that life if full of hurts, people will hurt us , it is part of relationships. One thing that many of us sometimes get caught up in is that even someone who knows the word of God and professes to be a Christian can hurt and be untrustworthy. Sadly, even people who professes to be “Christian” can be unsafe.

Many of us do not recognize or acknowledging the signs of an unsafe person. Many of us just don’t know how to recognize an unsafe person. Instead we may focus on who a person may portray themselves to be rather than who and what their actions show they are.

Safe people help you to grow. They are constantly pushing you to extend yourself in new ways, and you are pushing them as well, a one-sided relationship is also unsafe.

The following are 7 key characteristics present in safe people, keep in mind that only time truly will tell if a person has these traits or not, many unsafe people will mask themselves for a period of time, but time will always show true character, and character is who a person is when no one is looking.

1. Safe people are non-judgmental.

When you get serious about dealing with a problem of any kind, you need people who are not spending their time judging you for your mistakes. Safe people don’t judge you.

2. Safe people listen.

When you reach out for help you need people who will really listen to your struggles. Safe people let you share your story and all the difficulty you have faced in carrying a burden. There is empathy with safe people. While they may not have experienced your specific trouble, they listen with their heart and want to truly help.

3. Safe people maintain strong boundaries.

One of the dangers of seeking out safe people is that you might be so amazed at their compassion and care that you begin to move too close too quickly, they encourage you to make a quick decision to commit to them, to make an investment, or something else that may truly need some distance, time and/or research before making a final decision. Safe people, however, also know how to establish and maintain healthy boundaries that represent appropriate interaction and assistance. They won’t push you to make a decision you are not ready to make.

4. Safe people are reliable and respect the commitments they make.

Trust, is critical in any relationship of any kind. Trust is easily broken when an unsafe person does not follow through on the commitments they make. Safe people can be counted on, keep their promises, maintain your confidence in them and don’t give you reason to doubt their words.

5. Safe people are honest and tell the truth in love.

Some people who may appear to be safe are really just looking for a way to present themselves as superior potentially to get what “they” want. Safe people know how to tell you the truth in love. They are not pointing out your weaknesses to pump themselves up, but rather to help you move toward improvement and personal development and a life that truly brings satisfaction.

6. Safe people pray for wisdom and are humble.

Anyone willing to help another person must understand that they need wisdom. And gaining wisdom requires humility. You can often spot the safe people by how often they ask God for wisdom, knowing that apart from His leading they could lead you astray. These are the kind of people you want around when traveling the road to recovery from any form of hurt or other problem you are attempting to solve in your life.

7. Safe people help you get help.

Finally, safe people know their limitations and have a heart of willingness to get you the help you need. They will walk with you as you expand your network of support to include a counselor, a good investment advisor or other individuals to help you reach your goal toward life success.

To put it all in one small package, safe people are not critical, but can lovingly point out areas where you can improve as well as suggest how to make those improvements when needed. They are reliable, trustworthy, honest, and consistent. If they have done something to hurt you, you should be able to share with them that hurt and have them understand and assure you the behavior will not occur again and it not occur, rather then them act out defensively, or “promise” it won’t happen again only to have it happen after a few weeks or months. Safe people can only be found over time, with proven, consistent behavior. Safe people are people with a good character, they are not perfect, they are open and honest about who they are.

After reading this book I have learned that unfortunately there seems to be more unsafe people around us then safe people. Many unsafe people are very good at portraying themselves to be safe. People who seem to be safe, sometimes have such emotional issues that they are unable to share their lives with others in an honest trustworthy relationship, these people many times go through life mimicking what they think a safe relationship should be rather than emotionally connecting. For these people time is their enemy as they can not keep up the “appearance” of a safe person for long and many times they hurt those who invest in them, those who are not educated in spotting an unsafe person.

“Safe People: How to Find Relationships that are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren’t” should be required reading for everyone and I highly recommend it. It will help in all areas of your life, spiritual, personal, professional. And even though this book is in no way related to finances or money, it will help you in those areas as well because there are many “unsafe” people who are out to take money from those who can’t spot the unsafe person who may be out to scam you.

This book will also help you improve your own “safe” factor in how you relate to those around you, the more safe you are as an individual, the more you will be drawn to other safe people and the easier you will recognize unsafe people, maybe even those in your life right now.

As you walk through life, keep your eyes open for safe people. They will become your greatest asset next to God.