This last week a video titled “Why I Hate religion, But Love Jesus” went viral on YouTube.  At the time of this writing it had  11,514,233 views.  Not only did the video go viral but it caused many video replies both in agreement as well as disagreement.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

We each have our own opinions when it comes to religion. We have our own type of relationship with Jesus and we each are at different levels when it comes to learning and knowing the Bible.

The one great thing that has come out of this video whether you agree or disagree with it is the fact that it is getting people to think about both religion and relationship with Jesus.  How many days go by when you don’t share either your beliefs or relationship with Jesus with someone?  If this video causes you to do just that, then in my opinion it is a good thing.

I have seen how some people put on a facade when they are at church.  They dress up, carry a Bible and attend weekly but that is the extent of their religion based on their actions the other six days of the week.  In addition I have personally known individuals who can quote the Bible regardless of the situation, they know the rules and doctrines of their religion like the back of their hand and yet they have walked out on their spouse, are cheating on their spouse and/or are verbally, physically and/or emotionally abusive to their family, or do other things that would be considered against their religion or is not in agreement with the very Biblical teaching they teach.

Some think that you are a Christian if you know the Bible.  Others think you are a good Christian if you attend church regularly. Personally I think if you have relationship with Jesus Christ then you will want to get to know Him better by reading His Word.   I also think if you read His Word you will build relationship with Him, if that is where your heart is.  I also think that you can get closer to Jesus while fellow-shipping with other like-minded people which may be at church but it doesn’t have to be.

With that said, I don’t believe the corporate organization of an official religion is what defines your relationship with Christ.   I have known pastors of religions/churches whose actions did not appear as though they had a relationship with Jesus instead they used the pulpit to hide behind.  This is why you should insure you worship and follow Jesus and not a church or pastor.

At the end of the day this conversation is good in that it is happening and I pray that it will cause many to ask Jesus to come into their heart.  Build a relationship with Christ and know that:

“Whenever two or three of you come together in my name, I am there with you” Matthew 18:20 CEV

That doesn’t mean at church or in a building that represents a religion, it could be a home in a living room with family or outside the office on a picnic table with friends and co-workers.  One thing I know for sure, Jesus is there wherever you are all the time waiting for you to reach out to HIM.

Frugal, not cheap, but frugal is an important trait in those who are working toward becoming debt free and living in financial freedom to build wealth. I promote frugality to my clients. It is important to price shop, use coupons, by generic, etc.

There is a time however, when being frugal turns into being cheap and it starts to cost you money. Like the old saying goes, “the bitterness of poor quality remains long after the sweetness of low price is forgotten.” With that said, it is important to know where that line in the sand is between frugal and cheap.

For example, I have a friend who will drive 25 miles out of her way to save three cents per gallon of gas, now when you think about it, that extra 50 mile round trip to save .51 cents on a 17 gallon tank of gas. The trip most likely used up and extra 3 to 3.5 gallons of gas assuming she gets 12 to 15 miles to the gallon. So that savings of .51 cents for the cheaper gas cost an extra $9.80 if gas is $2.80 per gallon. That is an example of frugal turning cheap and costing you money.

Another thing to take into consideration when being frugal is the value of your time. Many times referred to as soft dollars. Sadly, many people do not actually put a value on their time. But your time is valuable and must be used wisely just as money must be spent wisely.

How do you put a value on your time? One way is to take your gross (before taxes) annual income and divide that by 2080 (number of working hours in a year based on a 40 hour work week) this will give you your hourly rate of pay from your job, so that hourly rate is a good starting point for a value on an hour of your time. What if you are a stay at home mom? Well, it is near impossible to put a value on stay at home moms because your service to the home and family is really invaluable, but non-the-less, your time is of value and must be used wisely to not take away from the kids, and other duties around the home, so you must determine what it would cost if you had a sitter watch the kids for an hour as well as the hourly rate of someone cleaning the house, add those two amounts up and that is a good starting place of your personal hourly value (of course you are worth much more because you do so much more.)

Using this thought process will help you to insure you are actually being frugal and wise with both money and time, verses being cheap and just looking at the dollars involved in spending rather than the whole savings picture.

Perhaps the reason there is so much divorce in this country is related to how men and women choose each other.  The other day I was in a conversation with several women and one man.  The conversation had moved to relationships and the man ask:

“What kind of attributes do you ladies look for in a mate?  Good looks, personality, money?  Please be honest”

Well the women began to to answer and here are just some of the responses:

“I would choose an average looking man who can protect me”

“If I had a choice, I would pick personality as the most important.”

“Personality is very important, money not so much but he has to be a hard worker, I have no respect for a lazy man”

“I want a guy that will turn my head in the looks department, can make me laugh, have integrity, make a good living with a fantastic personality”

“A sense of humor is a must, guess that is personality”

The comments went on from there but it seemed the most popular attribute wanted in a mate was personality.  After a bit the group looked to me and said I had been quite, what did I think the most important attributes in a mate were.

My answer was this:

“First and foremost he must be a Christian, a man who has a true love and intimate relationship with Christ.  From there and something that would naturally be reflected and flow from being a Christian, he would be honest,  have ethics & integrity.  He would be faithful and dedicated to our relationship.  He doesn’t have to have money but should be a hard worker able to manage money and not be in debt.  He would be gentle, never abusive in any way be it emotionally, verbally or physically.  He would be a good communicator, and listener,  focused on things in life that really matter.”

The group began to laugh and collectively agreed no man has all that.  That is when I mentioned that every one of us in this conversation was divorced and ask why they all thought that was?

The answers were like this:

Oddly when we were first married we went to church all the time, but then my husband got a promotion at work, started working long hours.  We stopped going to church, stopped talking, he had an affair with a lady he works with that is why we are divorced”

“Yeah, me too my husband had multiple affairs until I finally said no more and I divorced him.  We started out right but some how got distracted.”

“When my husband and I got married we both admired each other so much, I really respected him.  We got into a lot of debt, he lost his job. He started doing odd jobs and ended up having an affair.  He told me about it, asked for forgiveness and wanted to start a new, find a church and rebuild our relationship, but I couldn’t forgive him and divorce him.”

So after hearing that for the most part these marriages ended due affairs, I ask but what do you think was the root cause of the marriage failing?  Again, the fingers pointed to affairs.

Yes, these marriages ended with affairs, but could the root cause have been that the focus of the marriage was no longer centered around Christ?  The majority agreed, that when they were attending church and praying together the marriage seems healthy but with life started to happen and they got “too busy” to pray together or go to church that is when things started to take a downward spiral.

So I asked, why then did you all laugh at me when I said the most important attribute for me in a mate was a man who was a true Christian who had a real relationship with Christ.  The answer was shocking….

“Because no body really has a real relationship in Christ”

Wow!  Really? Is that what this world has come to?  That the preferred attributes in a mate has been downgraded to “personality” because there are so few individuals who have a real relationship with Christ?  Perhaps this is why the family units are falling apart.

Sadly, when any of us lower our standards in mate attributes and totally take Christ out of the mix, there is NO way a relationship will last.  I know my marriage didn’t last due to the center focus not being on Christ and I am not ashamed of stating what my primary attribute in a mate is.  I will not compromise Christ in any relationship ever again!

Yesterday while mowing the back 40 I was stung twice by two separate wasps.

I immediately put some Benadryl lotion on the stings but that was not to stop the allergic reaction that followed.  My elbow and ring finger began to swell beyond recognition.

I headed to the drug store and purchased some liquid Benadryl as well as some tablets.  Taking the liquid I figured in 20 minutes or so the swelling would go down…instead it continued to get worse.  I am very lucky to have a doctor that is open seven days a week so I headed over there and just in a nick of time.   She administered a shot of steroid and stated if the swelling didn’t begin to go down in 20-minutes she was sending me to the hospital.

So there I sat, with ice packs praying the shot would take affect and I wouldn’t have to go to the hospital.  Thank goodness the swelling stopped and began to go down enough that I was sent home after receiving a tetanus shot…ouch.

It was bad, but it could have been worse.  If I would have been stung around my face or upper body a trip to the ER would have been required.

But as much as my stings stung, it is only temporary.  So many people are suffering with life long illnesses.  But the thing I realized is that no matter what you are dealing with, it could be worse, there are others around you who are suffering worse.

In the grand scheme of things, my wasp stings were nothing compared to what a good friend of mine was diagnosed with,  a life long disease.  She is suffering but tries to keep up a good front.  As bad as it is it could be worse.

Regardless of the situation you are in be thankful that it isn’t worse.   Sometimes we get so caught up in our own world, our own hurts that we forget that there are others close to us who are going through so much more.

There is a greater picture than our own little world.  Don’t miss what matters, look outside your own little world.  I know from my two stings that is what I am doing.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9Yasgzjc0w

Merry Christmas

May you find and have Tranquility Through Him!

Kim Staudenraus

What happens when you lose someone you love at Christmas?

This is a question I am now dealing with.  I lost my uncle to cancer this weekend.  It wasn’t a surprise, he had been fighting for a year or so, but that doesn’t make it any easier.  My prayers go out to my aunt & cousins who lost their husband and dad.  They go out to my mom, my other uncle and aunts who lost their brother.  I too am sad, I will miss my uncle, I loved him very much.

It is a reminder to me of how precious life is and yet how fragile it is.  It makes me consider how we treat each other during life.

Cancer is not a choice.  Death from that terrible disease is not a choice.   Nobody wakes up one day and says, I am unhappy, I think I will get cancer and die, leaving the people who love me.  So why it is, those who are healthy do this to their spouses and families each and every day of the year by choice?

Why is it those who are healthy take life for granted?   They walk away from their commitments, covenants, and obligations without consideration of the life long consequences.  Never considering that there are those dying of a disease who would give anything for another year, month, week, or even a day with their spouse and family.

Why is it healthy people disregard and under appreciate their own life and health.  Not appreciating what they have, instead only thinking about “how terrible they have it” or “how unhappy they are.”

If more of us, myself included, appreciated the health we have, the family we have and treated and cherished that health and family with the utmost value and respect this world would be a better place.  Divorces wouldn’t be “the thing to do” but rather the oddity.  Families wouldn’t have times of silence but would work through their difficulties.   If we all valued the life we have, the life we have would be so much better.

This upcoming weekend is Christmas.  Some will enjoy the time with family and friends, loving every minute, building relationships and making memories for a lifetime.  Others however will be dreading the time with family, or  grieving the loss of their loved ones either from choice or death.

During this weekend.  Please reflect of your life, make your wrongs right.  Take inventory of your life and decide what is really important.  Ask yourself if what you have now in health is what you would want during a sickness with death looming.

Let this Christmas be your time to improve your life forever.  Treasure each and every day like it was your last, because really you never know if it is or isn’t.  Don’t take life or this Christmas for granted.  Pray for your loved ones and pray for those around you, they may look happy but may be very sad inside.

May God Bless you this Christmas

Life is unpredictable.  You think you have things planned out and next thing you know you are blind sided with something that totally derails all the plans you had made.  Being derailed for a season doesn’t mean you are wrecked for life.

Regardless of what derails your plans, whether it be divorce, job loss, or a death in the family, you can continue on with your life.  You may have different plans, you may be going down a totally different path but you can continue. Yes, for a season you will be off track, at a loss but I can assure you once that seas0n passes a new season is ready to bloom.

This does not mean that life will go on as it did before, it won’t.  It doesn’t mean that you won’t miss the life you had before, you will, however you must go on.  Remember, you were just derailed not totally wrecked.

So once the clouds of your dark season clear, and a new season begins to bloom, take a look at your old plans.  Dust them off and make a new path toward your future.   It could be as you have grown through your dark season you realize you no longer have the desire to pursue your old plans but you have new plans, new goals.  That is great, healthy and normal.

Whatever the case may be, whether it is focusing on your old plans or make new ones…move forward.   Through my own life changing event, I do still pray that things will resolve and reconcile, that does not mean I am sitting stagnant, that would not be healthy.

I encourage you to pick yourself up once you see the clouds beginning to clear, pray to God for guidance and begin to move forward.  This doesn’t mean you forget your past, it just means you build your future from the lessons of your past.

Let God be your guide, your companion and your friend through it all.

Life happens.  There are times when a major life change occurs that you didn’t want and/or expect.

When these changes occur, you can’t let it stop you.  It may slow you down a bit but you can’t let it stop you from living life.  With that said, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t knock the wind out of your sails.  Even after you start to regain your balance, you may still feel a sense of emptiness in the area in which this change occurred, even years after the incident you may still feel like something is missing.

By now I am sure you know I am referring specifically to divorce, but that doesn’t limit the feeling of a void from other  life changes or  traumatic experience that will through you off balance, knock the wind out of you and slow you down for a season.  That is okay, you have to take time to recover.

Once you start coming out of your fog and start feeling steady on your feet again you may still miss something from the loved one who left, regardless of the terrible hurt and pain someone else caused you there will still be some things that you miss from that person.

Sometimes what you miss is something you never really had but always wished you had. Regardless,  it is natural to miss something from a broken relationship or other major life change.

A good healing process is to take time to think through what you miss most about the loss you have experienced.  Write down those things and then find a support network that can support you where the void exists for a season.  It will never replace the loss the loved one created, but it is important to fill the void, make sure it is just for a season, don’t use a support network as a crutch, more as a stepping stone.

Fill the void, don’t fill the spot.  By that I mean don’t find a replacement partner,  fill the void of support you miss.  If you are starting a new business, hook up with other people who are also starting a new business, who have traveled down a road you are now traveling on.   If you are a working mom, find other working moms who are in a similar situation as you…get a support network.  Build your strength back up.

You may miss not having that special someone there to talk too, someone who is on your side and your side alone.  Find a support network of people that are on your path.  They will not be solely on your side as they have their own families, but they are on your path.  They are a network you can bounce ideas off.  Is it the same as bouncing things off the person you miss….no, but it will fill the void.

Don’t let a life change stop you.  Don’t let a void stop you cold in your tracks.  Grieve for a season, then pick yourself up, brush yourself off, reach up to Christ for a foundation of support, fill your voids with solid support networks and move forward.

So many times I have mentioned that I am no Martha Stewart.  Well, last evening I confirmed that to myself yet one more time.

Some Background

As you know there have been several people in my life who have recently been diagnosed with cancer.   One of which is a close family member.  Now cancer does not run in my family, however, I do think that the lifestyle of an individual can break the body down to a weakened state so that it may foster an environment that may trigger cancer growth.

With that said I have been taking a close look at my current life style.  The good news, I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, and I don’t do drugs.  The not so good news, I don’t exercise regularly and I am not a big fan of vegetables, although I do like fruit.  So in considering how short life is, and with my desire to always strive to do life better I realized it is time to begin to focus on my physical self.  You see my focus has been on my spiritual self, my mind self (character) but I have really have ignored my physical self.

This Week

That brings me to this week.  I decided I needed to put more vegetables into my diet and of course exercise.   So when I went shopping this week I purchased some fresh broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, and some Granny Smith Apples….yum!

Desert

Now I know I mentioned that I am not a big fan of veggies, however, there are some I do like, especially if they are raw.  Each evening I had a wonderful meal of the above mentioned except for the apple, until last night.  I decided to have an apple for desert, seemed innocent enough…or so I thought.

Rather than just taking the apple and biting into it, I decided to cut it into wedges.  First I cut it in half, no problem, then I cut the half in half, but while I was doing that the apple slipped off the cutting board leaving nothing but my finger in the way for the knife to slice and slice it did.  OUCH!!!

The good news is my finger is still all one piece.  The bad news is realistically I should have probably gotten a stitch or two.  It wasn’t a real long cut, but it was extremely deep…did I mention it was deep?

Lesson Learned

My finger will heal, thank goodness.  In my attempt to be a more healthy self I have caused great pain.

Lesson learned?

1. Lay the apple down flat rather than cutting a half tip to bottom.
2. Anything worth while is worth a little bit of pain, even if that pain is self inflicted. 

It’s Sunday morning.  A beautiful day.   Sunday’s are a relaxing day for me.  It’s my day do some laundry, do some house cleaning, maybe even mow the lawn.  (Funny as I wrote that it doesn’t sound too relaxing.) 

Part of my Sunday’s include making a nice breakfast for myself and today was no exception.  I decided to poach a couple of eggs and have blueberry waffles.

As I have said before, I am no Martha Stewart but I can poach eggs and know how to pop my Eggo’s into the toaster.  While things were cooking, I unloaded the dish washer and popped open a Cherry Dr. Pepper, yeah, I know it’s morning but I have a hard time drinking coffee when it’s 85 degrees out.

Anyway, the waffles popped up, I turned them and popped them down for a second cycle.  Checked on the eggs, yes, everything was going to finish all at the same time, it was going to be a good breakfast.

I heard the toaster pop and there were my two cooked waffles, perfectly golden brown.  I spread some butter on each one and then poured some real maple syrup on each one.  By now the eggs were perfectly poached and I placed them on the plate, added a little salt and pepper, grabbed a napkin and sat down to eat.

All part of my normal Sunday.   I started with a bite of waffle, yum.  If you haven’t tried the blueberry Eggo’s I highly recommend them.  I took a second bit savoring the taste of the all natural maple syrup and hint of blueberry.  From there I took a bite of egg white, yes this breakfast was good, until I had my second bite of egg.  This bite was all egg yoke…..I guess you know by the title above, it was a bad egg.

I have never experienced the taste of a bad egg until today and I can honestly say at this moment in time I don’t know if I will eat an egg again. (I hope that feeling leaves me in time) but as of now that is how I feel.  Oh, it was awful!  If you can imagine how a road kill smells, you know the taste I had in my mouth.  It was sickening.  I checked the egg carton, it had an expiration date of October 6 so no reason why it would have been bad.  I had eaten eggs from this container earlier in the week they were good.    I didn’t try the other egg I had cooked, nor could I finish my waffles.   To be safe I threw out the remaining eggs in the carton.

This experience made me think about how we are as humans.  You never really know who someone is until you get inside, until you get to know them.  Until they “open” up to you, you really don’t know someone.  They look good on the outside, but who are they on the inside?   There are some people who never let you in, who never really let you know who they are.  Just like all the eggs in a carton, you really don’t know if they are good until you crack one open and even then you may not know if it is good until you cook it and take a bite.

When I look at the most popular articles that are search for and read on this site one of them is Identifying Safe People For Success Of Self , why is that?  Maybe it is because there are a lot of eggs out there that appear to be good but you find they are not safe until you are able to crack them open.

Funny how a bad egg at breakfast can make you think.