Stumbled onto this and thought it was worth a post.

“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses you on your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you’re in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you’re just as pretty without makeup on. Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, ”…that’s her’ and smiles”~ Unknown

Today a friend sent me a link to an article titled “Why men are in trouble“.  The article discusses multiple statistics of how women are fast becoming, in my words, the superior gender.  It shows statistics of how women are becoming more educated and catching up with men in obtaining high paying power jobs.

Women are saying more and more that men are immature, distant from their families, and are less religious.  Over the past couple of decades there is a noted decline in men regarding work, marriage and religion.

From a woman’s point of view the statistics in the article are troublesome.  You see, this isn’t how God intended it to be.  God create Adam and then created Eve to be his helpmate, his companion Genesis 2:18.  Man was created to be the provider, the spiritual leader of the household.  To love his wife as Christ loved the church. Ephesians 5.

As a society we became very successful and wanted more.  Wanting more caused most families to get into debt and required women to start working to bring in enough money to maintain an over extended lifestyle.  As time went on, women were no longer satisfied with being demeaned at work and/or doing the same job as a man and getting paid less.  So women protested, as the years went on, women began to be paid more and take on more responsibility at work.

Women would get home from a “hard day at the office” and be tired to do the house work and deal with kids (who were in day care all day starved for Mom’s attention).  Men too worked all day, however they came to expect their wives to still maintain the house, kids and hold down a full time job.  Roles have started to change.  Since men were not created this way, nor were women, men have begun to give up.  To take a huge step back and to look at women differently. They were no longer felt like they were the hero, even though in the eyes of a women they were…until they began to give up that is.

So here we are, men are in trouble, they are boys that need to man up and become the leader of the household again.  We women are in trouble too.  Divorce rates are higher than ever, our men are leaving us, single parent homes are more common than united families.  Women are having to pick up the load of both mom & dad as well as homemaker and provider.  This is not natural and this is what is causing relationships to suffer.

Ladies we have done this to ourselves by wanting it all.  Men, you have taken a step back in an attempt to maintain an over extended lifestyle and it has gotten out of control.  Men…grow up, step up and man up! Take your role back.

Women, at least good Christian women, are looking for a man with true Christian attributes.   The key is Christian attributes.  Funny thing is, I have had two men tell me that even though women want a good man, that we (women) are really looking for a “bad boy”.  This could not be further from the truth.  Good Christian women are not looking for a bad boy, we are looking for a good honest, Christian man.  A friend also told me that the good guys get treated bad for being a good guy.  As a women, I am sorry if that is how you have been treated, good men are hard to find and should be treated with respect.

Today I also say the following quote:

“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the boy who kisses you on your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you’re in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you’re just as pretty without makeup on. Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, ”…that’s her’ and smiles”~ Unknown

I posted this because ladies, if you are looking for a man that is other than what is described above you will end up with a less than honorable man and then blame him for not being what you “imagined”.  A man must show character consistently and continually from the start.

Men, please man up, build your relationship with Christ, be honest, gentle, not abusive in anyway and love your women. Women do want a knight in shining armor.   Ladies, you too must step up, be respectful to men, let them know you need them in a healthy way, let them be your knight, your protector.

Men and women must be faithful to each other, communicate and allow each other to be in the role that God intends.  If we don’t society today will continue to deteriorate.  Men will continue to be in trouble and women, we will too.

Perhaps the reason there is so much divorce in this country is related to how men and women choose each other.  The other day I was in a conversation with several women and one man.  The conversation had moved to relationships and the man ask:

“What kind of attributes do you ladies look for in a mate?  Good looks, personality, money?  Please be honest”

Well the women began to to answer and here are just some of the responses:

“I would choose an average looking man who can protect me”

“If I had a choice, I would pick personality as the most important.”

“Personality is very important, money not so much but he has to be a hard worker, I have no respect for a lazy man”

“I want a guy that will turn my head in the looks department, can make me laugh, have integrity, make a good living with a fantastic personality”

“A sense of humor is a must, guess that is personality”

The comments went on from there but it seemed the most popular attribute wanted in a mate was personality.  After a bit the group looked to me and said I had been quite, what did I think the most important attributes in a mate were.

My answer was this:

“First and foremost he must be a Christian, a man who has a true love and intimate relationship with Christ.  From there and something that would naturally be reflected and flow from being a Christian, he would be honest,  have ethics & integrity.  He would be faithful and dedicated to our relationship.  He doesn’t have to have money but should be a hard worker able to manage money and not be in debt.  He would be gentle, never abusive in any way be it emotionally, verbally or physically.  He would be a good communicator, and listener,  focused on things in life that really matter.”

The group began to laugh and collectively agreed no man has all that.  That is when I mentioned that every one of us in this conversation was divorced and ask why they all thought that was?

The answers were like this:

Oddly when we were first married we went to church all the time, but then my husband got a promotion at work, started working long hours.  We stopped going to church, stopped talking, he had an affair with a lady he works with that is why we are divorced”

“Yeah, me too my husband had multiple affairs until I finally said no more and I divorced him.  We started out right but some how got distracted.”

“When my husband and I got married we both admired each other so much, I really respected him.  We got into a lot of debt, he lost his job. He started doing odd jobs and ended up having an affair.  He told me about it, asked for forgiveness and wanted to start a new, find a church and rebuild our relationship, but I couldn’t forgive him and divorce him.”

So after hearing that for the most part these marriages ended due affairs, I ask but what do you think was the root cause of the marriage failing?  Again, the fingers pointed to affairs.

Yes, these marriages ended with affairs, but could the root cause have been that the focus of the marriage was no longer centered around Christ?  The majority agreed, that when they were attending church and praying together the marriage seems healthy but with life started to happen and they got “too busy” to pray together or go to church that is when things started to take a downward spiral.

So I asked, why then did you all laugh at me when I said the most important attribute for me in a mate was a man who was a true Christian who had a real relationship with Christ.  The answer was shocking….

“Because no body really has a real relationship in Christ”

Wow!  Really? Is that what this world has come to?  That the preferred attributes in a mate has been downgraded to “personality” because there are so few individuals who have a real relationship with Christ?  Perhaps this is why the family units are falling apart.

Sadly, when any of us lower our standards in mate attributes and totally take Christ out of the mix, there is NO way a relationship will last.  I know my marriage didn’t last due to the center focus not being on Christ and I am not ashamed of stating what my primary attribute in a mate is.  I will not compromise Christ in any relationship ever again!

Merriam-webster.com defines Rascal as: a mean, unprincipled, or dishonest person

Wordnetweb.princeton.edu defines Rascal as: rogue, a deceitful and unreliable scoundrel

Over a decade ago someone important to me once asked “Do you think it is possible for a person who is a rascal to change?”  My answer was something to the effect of “anyone can change if they want to.”

It wasn’t until many years after that conversation that I realized, after getting to know this person better, that they were referring to themselves and their actions indicated they did not want to change, their actions were that of a “rascal.”

Why would someone choose to be a rascal?  This is a hard question for me to answer or for that matter understand.  I can’t imagine living a life being deceitful and unreliable.  The only conclusion I can come up with is they are living a life apart from Christ.

Over the years I believe this person really did want to change, why else would they of ever asked the question?  But I believe just as we all have a primary love language, some people have a natural language that is dishonest, or unprincipled.  It comes natural to them, maybe because of their upbringing or some tragedy earlier in life that they felt they could only survive by being a rascal.  Just as with me for example, my natural language is honesty, directness, and pride in having good character and integrity.  I was raised knowing to be successful in life you needed to be honest, reliable, etc.

It is difficult to cultivate relationships with rascals, mainly because once you realize they are a rascal you also realize they cannot be trusted.  How do you have a relationship with someone you can’t trust?

However, I do believe that rascals can change if they want to and most importantly with God’s help.  Nothing is impossible with Christ!  He can take out the harden heart and replace it with a heart of flesh.  It takes intercessory prayer of others as well as the will of the person wanting to change, but I do believe rascals can become individuals of character.

It is up to people who are in full relationship with Christ to set the example.  To be the mentor and coach in helping those rascals in this world turn to the light.  Yes, there will be some people who choose not to change, some people are just unsafe.  That should never stop us from turning our light off as being an example of a safe person in Christ.

If you are a rascal and are tired of that life, ask God to come into your heart, ask for forgiveness for your past actions and mean it.  Work on learning a new language in life, the language of integrity and good character in Christ.  You just may be surprised how much better life is when you are honest and reliable as well as how different you are treated by others.  Your relationships will blossom.

My prayer today is that all those rascals we know will reach up to the Hand of God, hold on and never let go for a life changing experience.

Have you ever said to your wife, “I will never be the man you need”?  Maybe you haven’t said those words outloud but you thought them.

Some of you reading this right now may have left your wife thinking you would never be the man she needed. Or be able to live up to her expectations.

When it comes to this earth you are correct.  No one is perfect and there is no way any one can meet all the needs of another individual.

What a woman needs is a man who loves Jesus Christ first.  Follows Jesus Christ and His commandments and is true to HIM in his heart.  After that a woman wants to know that her husband loves her.  That he is honest and transparent with her and is faithful.

The only way a man can do this is through Jesus Christ.  No man can do it alone.  At the same token, no woman can be the wife a man needs without that same foundation in Christ.

Take a look at yourself, the relationship you have with your wife, children, friends.  Take a look at yourself.  If you find that your relationships seem to be lacking, or are in conflict, instead of trying to make the other person change, ask Christ to make a change in you first.  Take one of the biggest risks of your life and be honest with yourself.  Look inside instead and get to know yourself before you put the finger at others.

Once you see yourself through the eyes of Christ and accept Him in your life you will be able to ask HIM for help with your earthly relationships and become the man and husband that your wife needs.

Until you become the right man in Christ you will never find the perfect woman you are looking for.

Are  you striving to become the husband your wife needs?

Wow, I can’t believe how time flies and how life can get so busy.  Yes, it has been a while since I have posted and I so want to thank those of you who have sent me emails asking if I was Okay and wondering where I have been.  Thank you so much for your concern and support.

With that said, over the last several months I have read three book and re-read one book from a few years back.  My re-read book was “The 5-Love Languages”  Whether you are in a relationship or not this book is a great read because the concepts can be used in both personal relationships as well as work relationships.

To give a brief summary, the five love languages are:

• Words of Affirmation
• Quality Time
• Receiving Gifts
• Acts of Service
• Physical Touch

Each of you have a primary and secondary love language and I believe it is very important for you to determine and know what you love language is as well as the language of your spouse.  With that said, it is also a good idea to determine the love language of those you work with.  No, not because you are “in love with them” but because you spend at least eight hours a day with them and learning about them can only help your working relationship with them.

For example, my primary love language is Quality Time, I thrive and feel love when those I care about spend quality time with me.  Quality time is not just being in the same room together.  Quality time that actually learning about each other through intimate conversation, wow there is nothing better.  Sadly I have discovered through life that few people around me have that same language.  What that means is I am speaking to others in a foreign language and they are speaking to me in a foreign language and neither of us understand each other or are getting feed (or loved) in the way we need.

This has been true certainly in my personal life but as well as in my professional life.   I have had to really study and learn about those I work with in order to try to determine their love language.  Then, I have had to learn how to “talk” in that language.  For example, I believe my manager’s love language is Words of Affirmation.  I have had to learn how to talk in that language and provide words of affirmation to him, once I began talking in his language it has helped our working relationship.  In a professional environment, being able to improve working relationships helps reduce stress and makes your work day go by with just a little bit more enjoyment.  If Words of Affirmation is your language you are probably wondering why I would have to “learn” how to do that.  Well, if that is your love language it comes natural to you, however, you may not know who to speak Quality Time to someone like me, therefore you would have to learn how.

So if that can help your working relationship, even in a one way direction, imagine how it would help your at home personal relationships when both you and your spouse learn each others love language and then learn how to talk to each other in the proper language.  It would change your lives and your relationships.  It will take work, learning a new language is hard and tiring, but isn’t your spouse worth it?  It may be one way at first, but with time and some consistency you will see your relationships grow stronger.

What is your love language?

Are you in a relationship that is full of deafening silence?  One that your spouse does not share his or her intimate thoughts?  Have you ever felt more alone in the presence of your spouse than if you were actually alone?

Sometimes the silence is deafening.  Sure, there may be casual conversation, day to day chit chat, but after days, months or years the idle chit chat is nothing more than empty talk.   You become  starved for deep intimate communication with the one you love.

A relationship cannot survive without intimate communication.   Sure, two people may stay together, but without intimate conversation, they are just existing with each other rather than having and building a relationship with each other.  It is a hurtful and lonely existence.

Right now you may separated or divorced standing for restoration, you may still be in communication with your spouse praying for the time when he or she opens up and shares with you a part of them that can explain how you are where you are today.

As you know I like “Little House On The Prairie”, there is an episode where Laura’s husband has a stroke and shuts himself off from Laura.  She feels alone and lost even through her husband is there physically he has left emotionally.  Laura’s dad Charles say to her “Remember you are never alone.”

If you are existing with your spouse in the same house or separated please remember you are not alone.  God is always there with you.  I wish I could share some insightful thoughts on how to open up communication with your spouse but honestly, I don’t know how to break through the wall of silence.  What I do know is God knows how.  Ask Him for guidance.  Ask Him to touch your spouse.  Ask God to show you how to show your spouse that it is safe to open up to you about his or her hurts, fears, thoughts and concerns.

Regardless of the cause of separation, good honest open communication can begin the healing process in any relationship.  With Christ as the foundation any relationship can be rebuilt.

Pray for your husband or wife as we move into the holiday season, he or she may not know how to start the conversation, pray that God will show them or you how to begin the rebuilding process through open honest communication.

May God Bless all prodigal spouses as well as all standers this holiday season.

Life happens.  There are times when a major life change occurs that you didn’t want and/or expect.

When these changes occur, you can’t let it stop you.  It may slow you down a bit but you can’t let it stop you from living life.  With that said, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t knock the wind out of your sails.  Even after you start to regain your balance, you may still feel a sense of emptiness in the area in which this change occurred, even years after the incident you may still feel like something is missing.

By now I am sure you know I am referring specifically to divorce, but that doesn’t limit the feeling of a void from other  life changes or  traumatic experience that will through you off balance, knock the wind out of you and slow you down for a season.  That is okay, you have to take time to recover.

Once you start coming out of your fog and start feeling steady on your feet again you may still miss something from the loved one who left, regardless of the terrible hurt and pain someone else caused you there will still be some things that you miss from that person.

Sometimes what you miss is something you never really had but always wished you had. Regardless,  it is natural to miss something from a broken relationship or other major life change.

A good healing process is to take time to think through what you miss most about the loss you have experienced.  Write down those things and then find a support network that can support you where the void exists for a season.  It will never replace the loss the loved one created, but it is important to fill the void, make sure it is just for a season, don’t use a support network as a crutch, more as a stepping stone.

Fill the void, don’t fill the spot.  By that I mean don’t find a replacement partner,  fill the void of support you miss.  If you are starting a new business, hook up with other people who are also starting a new business, who have traveled down a road you are now traveling on.   If you are a working mom, find other working moms who are in a similar situation as you…get a support network.  Build your strength back up.

You may miss not having that special someone there to talk too, someone who is on your side and your side alone.  Find a support network of people that are on your path.  They will not be solely on your side as they have their own families, but they are on your path.  They are a network you can bounce ideas off.  Is it the same as bouncing things off the person you miss….no, but it will fill the void.

Don’t let a life change stop you.  Don’t let a void stop you cold in your tracks.  Grieve for a season, then pick yourself up, brush yourself off, reach up to Christ for a foundation of support, fill your voids with solid support networks and move forward.

Have you ever prayed to God and thought He was ignoring you?

Let me assure you God never ignores you.  Maybe you just can’t hear him.  There are times that life gets so busy and loud that you may not be hearing His still small voice.  Maybe you think you are reaching up to Him but not really giving Him the focus that you and Him need.

So many times when life gets busy time with God is one of the first things that we set aside to “do later.”   When you are stretched to the limit for time it’s easy to forget to take a few moments to reflect and deliberately listen for God’s still small voice. It’s hard to hear God when you are too busy to stop, or stressed, or angry, or unwilling to forgive.

Hearing God’s Voice Is A Choice

As I mentioned above God never ignores you.  However He may not give you the answer you want or maybe even when you want it.  He will insure that you receive the proper answer in His timing not yours.

There may even be times when He has answered you but you were so distracted by life’s circumstances you did not hear His voice.   You see you must make a choice to determine what is more important to you.  Is it His still small voice or the TV, computer, phone, studies or other things that soak up your time?

God wants you to spend time with Him, only Him and He is patiently waiting for you to stop and listen but it is up to you whether or not you stop for long enough to hear what He is saying to you.

How To Hear His Voice

If you really want to hear God speak to you begin with this:

• Have faith that God will speak to you
• Set time aside for just you and Him, quiet time.  Just with any relationship, you must be spend time with Him, get to know Him.  No relationship is built with quick 30 seconds cries for help.  Relationships of all kinds, including with God takes time, dedicated time to build.

Building that relationship will help you recognize His still small voice.  If a stranger calls to your name from behind you, you may turn around but then go on your way.  However if your husband, wife or a good friend calls you, you turn, stop and listen.  Why?  Because you know them, you recognize their voice and you assume if they called you they have something to say so you are ready to listen.

The same holds true with God, if build a relationship with Him you will recognize His voice when He calls.  You will stop, turn and listen.

Maybe you know His Voice

There may be times when you already know Him, and recognize His voice but keep yourself so busy that you tune Him out.  Maybe because you don’t like what He is saying to you.   Trust me; life will work much better when you put yourself in a position to hear God. He loves you and He wants the best for you.

Maybe It Isn’t God

There have been times when I have wondered if it was really God’s still small voice or my own “wants” that I was hearing.  God’s ability to communicate with you is much bigger than your ability to mistake Him.  This also goes back to relationship.  Once you know Him you will recognize His voice.  Plus God sees your heart and knows your motives. If you genuinely mistake what He is saying to you He is more than capable of letting you know that you made a mistake and steering you in the right direction.

You Are His Child

Every day throughout your day reach up to Him.  Talk to Him.  Ask God to teach you how to recognize when He is speaking. He will insure you how to recognize His voice if you ask Him.

Yesterday I heard a wonderful little snippet from Kay Arthur of “Precepts Of Life” her reference was:

Proverbs 17:24

“A discerning person keeps wisdom in view,  but a fool’s eyes wander to the ends of the earth.” CEV

The above text can be interrupted like this; a smart man will keep his eyes on God and God’s word in his heart.  A foolish man is unable to focus his thoughts and can not pursue anything with consistency.

What standard do you see the people around you following?  Even those who profess to be “Christians” what standard have you witness them following?  As a Christian what standard do your friends, family and co-workers see you following?

This society has led us to believe that it is okay to walk out on your husband or wife.  It is okay to talk smack about your spouse.  It is okay to lie and cheat.  It is okay look at pornography.  It is okay to take the Lords name in vein.  Society’s standards lead us to believe that if it feels good and/or you want to do it, then do it.

Do you want to live by society’s standards or Gods standards?  By doing what  is against God’s standards, going against the the Bible are you rebelling against God?

So I ask you, by whose standard do you live by?   If you are telling people you are a Christian do your actions reflect that to others?  Do they reflect the standards of the Bible?  Sure no one is perfect.  In a broken world it is impossible not to make mistakes.  I make mistakes every day.  But living with Christ in your heart it is easier to acknowledge those mistakes, ask God and those you hurt for forgiveness, learn from the mistakes and work toward improving your actions.

It’s your choice….whose standards are you living by?