Sometimes you get an email that is so powerful that forwarding to a friend or relative just doesn’t seem enough.

Today, I received one of those emails from my uncle. It is was titled “The Duck & the Devil.” I couldn’t even imagine what this could possible be about so I read in full…and Wow, it hit home.

It is a good reminder that no matter what we have done in the past or what we are doing now, God was and is there watching our every move. No matter the lye, if you cheated, in debt, scared, holding a grudge, have feelings of anger, hatred, bitterness, guilt or shame, no matter what you have done, God was there then and is there now, waiting for you to reach up to Him, ready to forgive - all you have to do is ask Him.

You may be surprised to know that the person you wronged, your friends, parents, spouse, whoever it is will also forgive you, if they haven’t already.

It is the evil one making you think that you can’t change your past, correct a wrong, go home. Whatever the issue, satan will make you feel through pride, guilt and shame that you are such a louse you could never go back to correct your wrong. That is so far from the truth!

The truth is, ask God for forgiveness and all wrongs will be washed away, give Him a chance and then give your family and friends the same chance, take a risk, you have nothing to lose and so much to gain.

Please read “The Duck & the Devil” - think about it, pray about it, live it.

There was a little boy visiting his grandparents on their farm. He was given a slingshot to play with out in the woods. He practiced in the woods; but he could never hit the target. Getting a little discouraged, he headed back home for dinner.As he was walking back he saw Grandma’s pet duck. Just out of impulse, he let the slingshot fly, hit the duck square in the head and killed it. He was shocked and grieved!

In a panic, he hid the dead duck in the wood pile; only to see his sister watching! Sally had seen it all, but she said nothing.

After lunch the next day Grandma said, ‘Sally, let’s wash the dishes’ But Sally said, ‘Grandma, Johnny told me he wanted to help in the kitchen.’ Then she whispered to him, ‘Remember the duck?’ So Johnny did the dishes.

Later that day, Grandpa asked if the children wanted to go fishing and Grandma said, ‘I’m sorry but I need Sally to help make supper.’ Sally just smiled and said, ‘Well that’s all right because Johnny told me he wanted to help.’ She whispered again, ‘Remember the duck?’ So Sally went fishing and Johnny stayed to help.

After several days of Johnny doing both his chores and Sally’s; he finally couldn’t stand it any longer.

He came to Grandma and confessed that he had killed the duck.

Grandma knelt down, gave him a hug and said, ‘Sweetheart, I know. You see, I was standing at the window and I saw the whole thing, but because I love you, I forgave you. I was just wondering how long you would let Sally make a slave of you.’

Whatever is in your past, whatever you have done the devil keeps throwing it up in your face (lying, cheating, debt, fear, bad habits,
hatred, anger, bitterness, etc.)…whatever it is…You need to know that God was standing at the window and He saw the whole thing.

He has seen your whole life. He wants you to know that He loves you and that you are forgiven. He’s just wondering how long you will let the devil make a slave of you.

The great thing about God is that when you ask for forgiveness; He not only forgives you, but He forgets.

It is by God’s grace and mercy that we are saved.

Reach up to Him today, ask forgiveness, go to those you have wronged. Start living a life free from guilt and shame.

I am pleased to announce this article has been featured on:

The 235th Christian Carnival 

“But my kids are happy.”

This is what the lady in front on me inline at Kmart said yesterday as she was unloading a cart full of toys. She went on to say she had two kids and their birthday’s were coming up. Her posture confirmed her words, she seemed defeated….broke. She seemed guilty knowing she couldn’t afford all that she was buying by the way she was “justifying” her actions by telling complete strangers “but my kids are happy.”

The toys were for kids in the age range of three to five, and I have to admit I felt sad for her as she paid with a credit card. It was as if she was using her last bit of credit limit to portray to her kids “all is ok” and here is more stuff to prove it.

So much ran through my mind, as I watched her, I wanted to reach out and offer advice on how to not be broke, how to stop the cycle of paying with money she didn’t have. I wanted so bad to show her the was a way out from under all that stress, but of course the situation and timing was just not right…she was through the line and on her way.

How many times have you had that same thought process of “I’m broke” but feel like you have to keep paying out money you don’t have to “keep someone happy”?

I once knew a man who was broke, he was divorced and had a son. He gave his son anything and everything. Video games, two new cars, all kinds of “stuff” which kept the father broke and the son lacking in what he really needed….quality time with his Dad.

So often I talk to people who are in debt, who justify staying in debt because they “have” to buy more “stuff” for someone. Not realizing, that many times the one thing our loved ones want and need, it quality time with us. Quality time that is free to give, but many times the hardest to give.

Why is quality time so hard to freely give to our loved ones? Why is it so much easier to go to the store, buy some stuff and hand it over smile and be on our way while our loved one plays with their new stuff?

Personally, I think it is because we have been to pre-occuipied with ourselves. We, as a society, seemed to have become desentized to emotional intimacy with family and loved ones. We have become focused on anything that we can that takes us away from talking to one another, to learning about each other. We have become afraid of listening if that listening involves anything but “happy thoughts.” So what do we do? We focus on stuff. Many times that stuff keeps us further and further away from building deeping bonds with people. Video games, TV’s, internet, movie tickets, toys and the like.

All this stuff, keeps us in debt as well as keeps us from knowing those around us. We feel guilt for buying (because we can’t afford it) and we feel guilt from not buying, because we don’t really want to give what is needed, yourself.

Getting out of debt has more benefits than just not owing someone else money, it provides you the ability to give of yourself buy not buying stuff. It opens up the possibility of becoming more creating of how to give of yourself, rather than spending money.

Giving of yourself is far more difficult than spending money, it is also far more rewarding, but in the short term and the long term.

Think about it…and take the risk - give a part of you to someone rather than buy something at a store.

Individual Character

It is really all we have in life that shows who we really are to others.

Dictionary.com defines character in part as: moral or ethical quality. Qualities of honesty, courage, or the like; integrity, reputation.

What does it mean to be of good character? Have you really thought how others view you and your character? Have you thought about the true character of those around you?

I believe that true character is what you do, when no one is looking. If you stand and “preach” about how bad it is to steal, deceive, look at porn, cheat on a spouse, etc, but when you think no one is looking, you choose not to tell a sales clerk they gave you too much change, or you don’t tell your spouse you spending two hours after work each day with a person of the opposite sex, or you wait until the family goes to bed before you go to internet sites that you don’t want them to know you visit, that is when you are showing your true character. Maybe not to those who know you, but to yourself, and to God.

You see even when we think no one is looking, someone is always watching our actions. God is always hearing our thoughts and knows our intentions. Many times, those around you may know what you are doing as well, they may just be to shocked or afraid to let you know they know.

Are we perfect? No. None of us is perfect, we all have character flaws. But what separates an individual of true character from one who “pretends” to have true character is in our ability to admit our flaws and attempt to correct them. To acknowledge we are not perfect.

I once heard a statement, we are only as sick as our secrets. That is so very true. The more you try to “hide” who you really are, the sicker you will become. But when we acknowledge our character flaws openly is when we can begin to overcome them, to heal, to build character. To improve who we are as individuals. It is a never ending process, but one that is essential for inner peace and future success, personally and professionally.

I have known people who on the outside appeared to be an individuals of character. They would say all the right things. Inside, they had many secrets. Only those very close to them, and there were few as they did not let people get too close, saw issues with deception and secretive behavior. Through the years this caused them to have failed marriages, trouble with family members, and more. Their character effected all aspects of their lives and the bad character caught up with them in the end in one form or another.

I write about this today because I think there are many who hide behind an appearance of good character. In order for any of us to be successful personally, financially and professionally we must first focus on our own true personal character and relationship with Christ. Look deep inside of who you really. What your true focus is on, not just who you portray yourself to be.

Are you trustworthy, loyal, a committed spouse and/or friend? Do you have a relationship with God? Can you deep inside know you did not do or think about anything you would be ashamed of if you did it or thought it in front of God? Are you keeping secrets from your spouse or significant other? If you are you must know, deep down inside it is wrong. After all, if what you were doing was right, you wouldn’t be ashamed to admit it to those who love you, would you?

Even I work on building my character everyday, right now, I am listening to the audio book “Become a Better You” by Joel Osteen. I highly recommend it as a great starting place to improve who you are, regardless of where you are starting from.

Today, think about who you are. What is your true character? Who are you when no one is looking? Where can you improve your life, and how would that improve the life around you with your family, friends and career? You and only you make the choice of who you are, and what your character is. What will you choose?

There are various methods of getting out of debt, the one I like best is the Debt Snowball. It is simple, and provides a quicker sense of accomplishment. Dave Ramsey is the primary advocate of the debt snowball.

So what is it? Well, before I get into the details, I first want to encourage you to make sure you have at least $1000 in the back before you start paying down your debt. This should be used as your emergency fund. Always keep that $1000 in the back so if you have an emergency, you won’t create more debt in taking care of the emergency.

Basically, it is paying the lowest balance first.

If you are seriously trying to get out of debt, you’ve already heard of Dave Ramsey, and especially if you are reading this blog.

Dave is a straight forward, no-holds-barred, tell you like it is kinda person when it comes to helping people get out of debt. He was once in debt so he speaks from experience. He has decades of experience mentoring people to get out of debt and live debt free. His background is not just from experience but is also Bible based by stating “The borrower is slave to the lender” Proverbs 22:7.

He hosts a daily radio show as well as a broadcast each weeknight on Fox Business News and encourages listeners who have become debt free to call in and scream “I’m/we’re Debt Free!!” as an inspiration to others who are working toward debt freedom.

Some people love him others hate him, either way he is absolutely determined to get you out of debt, and so am I.

I too have been in debt, and although I did not used the debt snowball to get out of debt (didn’t know about it back then) I am now debt free. I also believe the debt snowball is the best way to getting out of debt.

So as I mentioned earlier, it is the process of placing your smallest debt first and working your way down to the highest debt.

How do you do this?

Take all your bills, not your living expense bills like water, electric, utilities, house, food, etc. and list them, from lowest balance balance to highest balance

Pay the minimums on all the bills except the first, and pay as MUCH as you can on that one until it’s gone. Usually, this smallest debt is $200 to $600 dollars, and once it is paid off, you have an quick sense of success. That is the whole point of this process. Small victories.

Continue to the second bill, adding the amount you paid on the first before it was paid off and pay that one, hence picking up more dollars each time you pay off a bill and placing those dollars on the next bill (snowball effect)

Do this until the last bill is gone. Now keep in mind it is not just about the debt snowball process, you must also be working a budget and cutting back on spending all at the same time, see Money Management aka Cash Flow and How to Get Out Of Debt.

There are some pros and cons of the debt snowball, I find the pros out way the cons but here they are:Pros:

Cons:

With that said, as Dave says, this isn’t about the math, it is about the forming of a habit of paying off debt. It reinforces the habit by giving early positive results.

As with anything you must stay focused, and commit to follow it through to the end. The small victories and success of paying off that first small bill helps early reinforcement that it is working.

Being debt free is a life time commitment, not just a short term solution. Stay focus and you will be successful.

We all have life changing experiences. I believe that each life changing experience happens for a reason. I also believe that once the initial shock and hurt subsides it is a good time for self reflection. It is a good time for self evaluation, to determine how this change can improve who we are as individuals and how we can better contribute to our personal and professional relationships.

Many times these life changes involve relationships. Sometimes we are naive and trusting to a fault, and/or we have no real education in how to identify safe people verses unsafe people that come and go in our lives. Wouldn’t it be so much easier if we knew ahead of time if a person was safe or not before we invested our time, love and energy and sometimes money into them?

In order to have continued success; spiritually, personally, professionally and financially, we have to be able to identify what type of people we are allowing into our lives. Are the people close to us, those in our spiritual, personally and professional lives safe or unsafe? Do the people around you help you improve who you are as a person? Do they help improve you professionally? Do they help improve you spiritually?

Do you help improve those around you? You see, not only do you need to identify safe people to be around, but you too must identify if you are a safe person for others to be around. It is important to correct areas in your life where you are unsafe.

We are all unsafe in some form. Nobody is perfect. However, the first thing that starts to identify you as a safe person is that you can recognize you are not perfect, that you are open for self improvement and personal development. As we improve who we are, we also help improve the safe people around us. Those who are unsafe many times are unable to admit their flaws or if they can admit a flaw, they seldom, if ever, focus on personal development, behavior change or self improvement, they instead focus more on the flaws of others.

As you have probably figured out by now, I am a big fan of personal development/self improvement books, especially those with a Christian perspective. Recently I came upon a book by the same authors of the exceptional book “Boundaries.” This book, “Safe People: How to Find Relationships that are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren’t” is also a must read.

I have always believed that there is good in most people, especially Christians. I also believed and know that life if full of hurts, people will hurt us , it is part of relationships. One thing that many of us sometimes get caught up in is that even someone who knows the word of God and professes to be a Christian can hurt and be untrustworthy. Sadly, even people who professes to be “Christian” can be unsafe.

Many of us do not recognize or acknowledging the signs of an unsafe person. Many of us just don’t know how to recognize an unsafe person. Instead we may focus on who a person may portray themselves to be rather than who and what their actions show they are.

Safe people help you to grow. They are constantly pushing you to extend yourself in new ways, and you are pushing them as well, a one-sided relationship is also unsafe.

The following are 7 key characteristics present in safe people, keep in mind that only time truly will tell if a person has these traits or not, many unsafe people will mask themselves for a period of time, but time will always show true character, and character is who a person is when no one is looking.

1. Safe people are non-judgmental.

When you get serious about dealing with a problem of any kind, you need people who are not spending their time judging you for your mistakes. Safe people don’t judge you.

2. Safe people listen.

When you reach out for help you need people who will really listen to your struggles. Safe people let you share your story and all the difficulty you have faced in carrying a burden. There is empathy with safe people. While they may not have experienced your specific trouble, they listen with their heart and want to truly help.

3. Safe people maintain strong boundaries.

One of the dangers of seeking out safe people is that you might be so amazed at their compassion and care that you begin to move too close too quickly, they encourage you to make a quick decision to commit to them, to make an investment, or something else that may truly need some distance, time and/or research before making a final decision. Safe people, however, also know how to establish and maintain healthy boundaries that represent appropriate interaction and assistance. They won’t push you to make a decision you are not ready to make.

4. Safe people are reliable and respect the commitments they make.

Trust, is critical in any relationship of any kind. Trust is easily broken when an unsafe person does not follow through on the commitments they make. Safe people can be counted on, keep their promises, maintain your confidence in them and don’t give you reason to doubt their words.

5. Safe people are honest and tell the truth in love.

Some people who may appear to be safe are really just looking for a way to present themselves as superior potentially to get what “they” want. Safe people know how to tell you the truth in love. They are not pointing out your weaknesses to pump themselves up, but rather to help you move toward improvement and personal development and a life that truly brings satisfaction.

6. Safe people pray for wisdom and are humble.

Anyone willing to help another person must understand that they need wisdom. And gaining wisdom requires humility. You can often spot the safe people by how often they ask God for wisdom, knowing that apart from His leading they could lead you astray. These are the kind of people you want around when traveling the road to recovery from any form of hurt or other problem you are attempting to solve in your life.

7. Safe people help you get help.

Finally, safe people know their limitations and have a heart of willingness to get you the help you need. They will walk with you as you expand your network of support to include a counselor, a good investment advisor or other individuals to help you reach your goal toward life success.

To put it all in one small package, safe people are not critical, but can lovingly point out areas where you can improve as well as suggest how to make those improvements when needed. They are reliable, trustworthy, honest, and consistent. If they have done something to hurt you, you should be able to share with them that hurt and have them understand and assure you the behavior will not occur again and it not occur, rather then them act out defensively, or “promise” it won’t happen again only to have it happen after a few weeks or months. Safe people can only be found over time, with proven, consistent behavior. Safe people are people with a good character, they are not perfect, they are open and honest about who they are.

After reading this book I have learned that unfortunately there seems to be more unsafe people around us then safe people. Many unsafe people are very good at portraying themselves to be safe. People who seem to be safe, sometimes have such emotional issues that they are unable to share their lives with others in an honest trustworthy relationship, these people many times go through life mimicking what they think a safe relationship should be rather than emotionally connecting. For these people time is their enemy as they can not keep up the “appearance” of a safe person for long and many times they hurt those who invest in them, those who are not educated in spotting an unsafe person.

“Safe People: How to Find Relationships that are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren’t” should be required reading for everyone and I highly recommend it. It will help in all areas of your life, spiritual, personal, professional. And even though this book is in no way related to finances or money, it will help you in those areas as well because there are many “unsafe” people who are out to take money from those who can’t spot the unsafe person who may be out to scam you.

This book will also help you improve your own “safe” factor in how you relate to those around you, the more safe you are as an individual, the more you will be drawn to other safe people and the easier you will recognize unsafe people, maybe even those in your life right now.

As you walk through life, keep your eyes open for safe people. They will become your greatest asset next to God.

Many people in debt think “I’ll just file bankruptcy and start over, it’s easy”, the truth is that bankruptcy is a life-changing event that causes lifelong damage, and most bankruptcy lawyers won’t tell you that, they just want the dollars from you to file the paper work.

The word bankruptcy is a scary word to me. If you are thinking about filing for bankruptcy or maybe in the middle of it right now, you know it is a scary event. But did you know that it could effect your job? Yes it can, many employers frown on bankruptcy of their employees, thinking “if they can’t manage their own finances how will they handle those of the company?” Also, many employers consider financially distressed employees as a greater risk for embezzlement or theft. When searching for a new job if a credit report is run and a bankruptcy shows up, that could eliminate your changes for employment in some companies.

Bankruptcy can destroy your marriage, how can a spouse have full and complete trust in the relationship if money is so badly handled that it comes to bankruptcy? What effect will it have on the kids when you try to enroll them in certain events, if you think no one will know, think again, it is public record.

Bottom line bankruptcy steals your peace of mind, your comfort level in looking at yourself as well as society as a whole.

A client of mine came in ready to file bankruptcy. Her debts were overwhelming to say the lease, her husband had left her for another girl. The house and the debt except for $14,000 was in his name. She was 46 years old, her dads friend, a lawyer told her to file bankruptcy. This poor lady was broke down and worn out and felt she had no where else to turn except to go bankrupt. The truth is, she was not bankrupt. You see, her soon-to-be ex-husband will end up with all the debt in his name, he may be bankrupt, but this lady was not.

Why Avoid Bankruptcy? Bankruptcy is not something I recommend any more than I would recommend divorce. Are there times when good people see no way out and file bankruptcy? Yes, but my job is to help you avoid that if given the opportunity. Few people who have been through bankruptcy would report that it is a painless cleaning of the slate, that you go off and start fresh when it is over. Many people go that route because they just plain don’t want to work hard enough to work it out…just like many people enter divorce, they just don’t want to “work hard” to fix things.

Do not be fooled. Although I personally have not gone through a bankruptcy, I do have many friends who have and it is not a fun ride. Bankruptcy is listed in the top 5 of negative life-altering events that we can go through, along with divorce, severe illness, disability, and loss of a loved one. Although I don’t believe that bankruptcy is as bad as losing a loved one, it is certainly life-altering and leaves deep wounds both to the psyche and the credit report.

There are two types of bankruptcy. Chapter 7 which is total bankruptcy, stays on your credit report for10 years, and Chapter 13, which is more like a payment plan and stays on your credit report for 7 years. Bankruptcy, however, is for life. Loan applications and many job applications ask if you have ever filed for bankruptcy. EVER, not in the last 7 or 10 years but EVER. Could you lie to get a loan because your bankruptcy was so long ago? Yes, but technically if you do, you have committed criminal fraud, and I don’t know about you, but I have a higher power to be accountable to.

The good news is most bankruptcy cases can be avoided with proper help, such as a certified financial counseling, or even reading the book by Dave Ramsey “The Total Money Makeover: A Proven Plan for Financial Fitness“. Now to be honest, your money makeover will take some hard work and time, it may involve extensive amputation of stuff, it will be painful, but bankruptcy is much more painful.

Also one last consideration, the reason most people are even contemplating bankruptcy is usually do to poor money management habits, many people who file for bankruptcy to “start over” end up in debt again within two to five short years, why? Because the debt wasn’t the real problem, managing money was.

If you take the a good step backward to get on solid ground instead of looking for a quick fix that bankruptcy “seems” to offer, you will win more quickly and in the long run be far better off financially.

Goal - Dictionary.com defines it as: “the result or achievement toward which effort is directed; aim; end.”

Goal, intention, objective, destination, target, mission. No matter what word you use, it is a point in your future that you aim for success.

We have all set goals, we have successfully achieved many and we have all not met some of the goals we set for ourselves.

Goals are important both professionally and personally as they are a stake in the ground that we (or your employer) set to encourage growth and forward movement.

It has been said that most people believe in setting goals, however only about 3% of us actually set and write down goals for our personal life. There are many reasons for this; fear is very near the top of the list.

Most people who don’t set goals are afraid they will not meet the goals they set. They don’t want to fail. Yet, I think dong “nothing” is worse than trying to do something and missing the mark. It is always better to attempt to improve even if you fail, than stay stagnant as life passes you by.

We have all set goals like “I am going to lose weight” or “I am going to stop smoking” or “I am going to get out of debt.” What ever it is you feel you need to improve, you have probably set a goal about it. Or have you?  Have you really set the goal to the point where it is attainable? It is safe to say, “I am going to be debt free” you haven’t really set a goal; you have just made a statement.

Goal setting is about being specific to what you want to achieve. Draw a line in the sand.

Be honest with yourself, look at your debt and your income, determine your behavior change and commit. Set your goal, write down your goal as well as a plan to achieve it. For example your goal should read something like: “I will pay off $18,000 by June 1, 2008. I will do this by using the money that I saved by not eating out and putting those dollars on credit card debt” Be specific. How much will you pay off, by what date, and how.

Write your goal down on 3×5 cards and place them in multiple places around your environment. On the refrigerator, bathroom mirror, visor in the car, edge of your computer screen. When you see it, read it out loud as well as to yourself, positively reinforce your goal to yourself, remember PMA - Positive Mental Attitude.

Once you have your goal set, tell someone close to you. Now this is very important.  When I say someone close, I don’t mean your spouse, after all you two are already in it together. Tell someone that is close to you, friend, parent someone who is not directly related to the debt, who you trust. By telling someone else what that goal is, you are placing accountability on yourself. You are making that goal real. It turns a general statement into something you must take action on and be accountable to yourself as well as admitting to someone else the status of your goal.

Set a goal to pay of a specific amount of debt by a certain date. Living with the stress and fear of debt is far more risky than setting a goal to begin your journey down the path toward financial freedom.