broken marriage

I Hate Divorce!

by Kim on July 3, 2010

If the title of this post seems strong, good! It’s meant to be. I can’t think of anything else that I really “hate.” Sure there may be some things I don’t like such as brussel spouts, or other things I don’t care for like someone weaving all over the interstate while they are talking on their cell phone, but the only thing that I really hate is divorce.

In the last six months I personally know of four couples who are heading for divorce. Two of which were in the last two weeks. In each case the husband decided that they would enjoy life better without their wife. Three were already involved with another woman, the fourth stated he left to “be alone” but has since found another woman…so much for being alone.

In every case the remaining spouse was very willing to forgive and attempt to work out the issues of their marriage.   In each of the four couples one party was totally unwilling to be honest and truly work on the covenant commitment they made with their spouse.  Two of which lied and went to counseling, even stated things were getting better has they were basically packing their bags.

Three of the couples have children, one couple even experienced two mis-carriages in the effort to start a family, now they have two beautiful daughters and he has just walked away, stating he wants nothing to do with his wife or his daughters.

The longest marriage was 23 years, the shortest 8 years. Two of the couples knew their was something wrong, the other two were totally surprised by their husbands decision to leave.

Why?? Why is it men, and yes even women, think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence? For the few prodigals who have read down this far, when the endorphins of this new found life wear off you may find that the grass still needs to be mowed regardless of which side of the fence you are on.

Marriage is for better or worse.  How is it some people think they can just walk away, some even run away to find peace else where instead of living up to their commitment?  Society has glorified divorce, even made it out to be “your right.”

Sure their are biblical reasons for divorce.  But there is no reason for a spouse to leave to seek another or to  seek a self centered life style.  It is just not right, at least not right as far as the Bible says.

The one thing that satan does best is break up marriages, and families. It causes hurt and chaos in so many ways. One is the kids are hurt, many blame themselves for their parents issues. Many kids are confused why there is a counterfeit mom or dad in the picture. Let’s face it, no body can raise, love or care for their kids better than a healthy biological parent.

Another way divorce effects people is at work, when you are going through a divorce your focus is not on your work. You are dealing with emotional strain, plus adding to your normally busy schedule by visiting attorney’s, counselors, mediators, and the like. Some even lose their job due to these distractions.

Yes, I hate divorce! I hate what satan does to marriages. I pray every single day that prodigals will stop listening to the world and satan and start listening to the still small voice of Christ. I pray that these prodigals will return to their covenant spouse.

I pray that the spouse who wants to save their marriage will pray, pray, pray. Prayer and Bible study are the number one ways to save your marriage. Focus more on God, build a relationship with Him. In addition, as humans we want something from this world to study as well that will help, that is why I have a link to “Save Your Christian Marriage” on this site as well as always recommend Rejoice Marriage Ministries for support. If you hate divorce like I do, please use both of these resources to help save and heal your marriage.

Also, while your praying for your own marriage, please pray for every marriage, that they will be surrounded by a hedge of protection against satan and his evil attack against families and marriages all around the world.  Divorce must be stopped, it doesn’t help anyone and hurts so many.  I know, I have gone through a divorce, I didn’t study enough, I didn’t have a strong enough relationship with Christ.  I didn’t pray enough.  I hate divorce!

It is meaningless that I hate divorce, listen to what God says, why do so many people go against God?

“I hate divorce,” says the LORD God of Israel, “and I hate a man’s covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,” says the LORD Almighty.  So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith. Malachi 2:16 (NIV)

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Broken Marriage

by Kim on June 22, 2010

Has your husband or wife left your marriage?

When they first left, did you feel a sense of relief?  Not relief that they left, but relief that the consent friction that was occurring in the household has now stopped.   It was relief that even though they made the wrong decision to leave at least a decision was finally made.

That feeling of relief soon turns into the reality that your one flesh husband or wife is gone.  Oh the pain that causes in your heart.  It is a pain like no other pain.  Your heart has just been ripped out of your chest, then ripped in half, thrown on the grown and stumped on.  If your husband or wife has left you, you know the pain I am talking about.

I Know Your Pain

I know that pain personally, I am going through what you may be going through right now.  I cried, actually still do sometimes, I was angry and frustrated, still am sometimes.  After all, you and your husband or wife, stood before God and made a covenant, for better or worse, sick or poor, till death.  You are angry and frustrated because your spouse didn’t hold true to that covenant.  You feel betrayed, and rightfully so.

Who betrayed you?  Oh,  I hear your answer, my wife that’s who!  Or, what do you mean who betrayed me, it was my husband, he was the one who left not me.  Yes, in this world both answers are correct.  But what is the deeper answer.  Your husband or wife didn’t leave because of something you did, sure they may blame it all on you, but the bottom line is they left because they took their eyes off God.  They left because the foundation of your marriage was not set firmly on Christ and satan slipped in.  Satan began his attack on your marriage the second you said “I do” and worked his tactics on each of you until one of you caved to the evil ones deceptions.

Think about it, would you have married your spouse knowing that he or she was going to walk out on you years later?  Of course not, you both married each other believing your marriage would last forever.

Not About Blame

This isn’t about the blame game, the marriage is broken.  Satan at this moment has the upper hand.  Now what are you going to do about it?  Regardless if your husband or wife left, part of your vows were for better or worse, this is the worse part.  Sure man’s law might say you are divorced, you might have been the one who initiated it at the request of your spouse or through your anger of them leaving.  That doesn’t matter, in God’s eyes you are still married. Are you willing to hold true to your covenant vows even though your husband or wife hasn’t?   For better or worse.  If your husband was still home, but sick would you walk away from him or sit by his bed side and nurse him to health?  If your wife had an drug problem, would you walk away from her or get her into a recovery program and support her through her recovery?  Your spouse leaving due to satan’s temptations is no different.  He or she has been taken captive by the evil one.  They have taken their eyes off God, believed the devils lies that life is so much better without you in it.  Believing that they are “free” to live a worldly life, go out with as many women or men as they want.  Maybe they have even been deceived in thinking they have found true love with someone else, a counterfeit replacement of you.  Whatever they are doing or thinking, they are being deceived and have been taken captive by the evil one.

Stand For Your Marriage

Are you willing to stand in the gap for your husband or wife during this time just as you would if they were in ill health or had an addiction problem?  They are a prisoner of satan.  What did your covenant vows mean to you?  Isn’t your husband or wife sick right now with deception from satan?  Aren’t they addicted to the worlds view of life?

Stand for your marriage, stand in the gap for your husband or wife.  Pray for them daily, after all, if you don’t pray for them who will?  Stand for God’s will in both your spouse’s life and yours.   Pray that they will reach up to God and ask for forgiveness.  At the same time, pray for yourself.  Pray that God will make you into HIS image.  The marriage failed because both of you were not grounded in Christ, the foundation was not as strong as it needed to be.  Build your own personal foundation on Christ.  Live your life as Christ directs you.  Pray for your husband or wife.  Let God make changes in both of you.

Get support, standing for your marriage is the hardest thing you will ever do.  It is much harder than living in a broken marriage.  Satan is pulling at us standers every minute of every day to give up.  You need support.  Trust me, support will be hard to find from your friends or family when it comes to standing for a man or woman who walked out on you.  You see your friends and family saw how this person hurt you.  They will not understand how you can stand for someone who treated you so badly.  They have not made the covenant with your spouse and with God… you have.   God will send you someone who will understand your commitment and they will stand with you.  That someone God sends you may be in the form of a ministry.  For me, God sent me to Rejoice Marriage Ministries.  Please visit  their site.  Read their story of divorce and re-marriage.  This is a real couple, who believe in Jesus Christ and their whole ministry is focused on the Bible and God as it relates to marriage restoration.

Like I said I am where you are, I am standing.  I know you are hoping for a miracle, you are wanting to know “when” your husband or wife will return and you are looking for “signs”.  I can tell you the only real answer to the question of when they will return is in God’s timing and only in God’s timing.  Please don’t look for sites on the internet that talk of time-lines, or listen to friends who tell you about the circumstances of what your spouse is doing and with who.  The bottom line is, God has a plan for you in HIS life.  Let God be your spouse for this season.  Rely on HIM, He will give you peace and comfort you need.

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