“I’m Broke….But my kids are happy.”

This is what the lady in front on me at Kmart said yesterday when we were inline as she was unloading a cart full of toys.  She went on to say she had two kids and their birthday’s were coming up. Her posture confirmed her words, she seemed defeated….broke. She seemed guilty knowing she couldn’t afford all that she was buying by the way she was “justifying” her actions by telling complete strangers “but my kids are happy.”

The toys were for kids in the age range of three to five, and I have to admit I felt sad for her as she paid with a credit card. It was as if she was using her last bit of credit limit to portray to her kids “all is okay” and here is more stuff to prove it.

So much ran through my mind, as I watched her, I wanted to reach out and offer advice on how to not be broke, how to stop the cycle of paying with money she didn’t have. I wanted so badly to show her there was a way out from under all that stress, but of course the situation and timing was just not right…she was through the line and on her way.

How many times have you had that same thought process of “I’m broke” but feel like you have to keep paying out money you don’t have to keep someone happy?

I once knew a man who was broke, he was divorced and had a son. He gave his son anything and everything. Video games, two new cars, all kinds of “stuff” which kept the father broke and the son lacking in what he really needed….quality time with his Dad.

So often I talk to people who are in debt, who justify staying in debt because they “have” to buy more “stuff” for someone. Not realizing, that many times the one thing our loved ones want and need, it quality time with us. Quality time that is free to give, but many times the hardest to give.

Why is quality time so hard to freely give to our loved ones? Why is it so much easier to go to the store, buy some stuff,  hand it over with a smile and be on our way while our loved one plays with their new stuff?

Personally, I think it is because we have been to pre-occupied with ourselves. We, as a society, seem to have become desensitized to emotional intimacy with family and loved ones. We have become focused on anything that we can that takes us away from talking to one another, to learning about each other. We have become afraid of listening if that listening involves anything but “happy thoughts.” So what do we do? We focus on stuff. Many times that stuff keeps us further and further away from building deep bonds with people. Video games, TV’s, internet, movie tickets, toys and the like.

All this stuff, keeps us in debt as well as keeps us from knowing those around us. We feel guilt for buying (because we can’t afford it) and we feel guilt from not buying, because we don’t really want to give what is needed that is personal time with others.

Getting out of debt has more benefits than just not owing someone else money, it provides you the ability to give of yourself buy not buying stuff. It opens up the possibility of becoming more creative of how to give of yourself, rather than spending money.

Giving of yourself is far more difficult than spending money, it is also far more rewarding, both in the short term and the long term.

Think about it…take the risk – give a part of you to someone rather than buying something.

Re-posted from March 2008

Fireproof was released on Friday and I took the afternoon off to see the matinee. The movie is fantastic and a must see for everyone who is married, separated or divorced.

Ladies – Have you ever felt like your husband just doesn’t understand you.  That they have no clue about all the hard work you do?  Have you ever felt bitter or angry that you work all day and then are expected to clean the house, do the laundry, take care of the kids, go shopping, etc, and it still isn’t enough?

Gentlemen – Do you think that all your hard work is not appreciated and that you are not respected?  After all, you work hard all day only to come home to a house that isn’t like YOU think it should be, right?

Has this anger, bitterness and resentment that you have been harboring over the years started to affect your communication and affection toward your spouse?  Has it affected your desire to care about your spouse?  Have you even started to doubt your love for your spouse?  Are you starting to think you would have more peace if you just “got out?”

Catherine & Caleb, the main characters in the movie felt the same.  Neither one had taken the time over their seven year marriage to understand or learn about each other.  They lived their own lives, they grew farther and farther apart.  They were both tempted, and those temptations lead to thoughts and desires of just giving up on their marriage.

As you watch the movie you will find yourself saying “I thought I was the only one going through this.”  Rest assured, you are not and this movie is a testament to that.  Most marriages go through this to some extent, sadly from the divorce statistics, it seems only half survive.  As one line in the movie says “when most people promise ‘for better or for worse’ they only mean for the better” and give up or run away when it gets worse.

Caleb was talking to his dad about the fact that he and Catherine were headed for divorce.  His dad asked him to hold off, just for 40 days and offered him the book “The Love Dare”.  Caleb had enough desire in him to save his marriage that he decided to give it a try, but it was a half hearted try at best.  After a few weeks of trying The Love Dare, Caleb was ready to give up until his dad explains what love is all about, and what it takes to be able to give unconditional love.

This movie has a little bit of everything, it will make you laugh and cry as it touches on nearly every area of life, including work, your parents, even the neighbors.   It is a great reminder of several things:

• God expects us to love our spouse as He loves the church.
• God’s love for us is unconditional, that is the example we are to follow with our spouse by loving them unconditionally as well.
• Love is not a feeling, it is a commitment.
• Marriage is not a contract, it is a covenant for a lifetime.
• With Jesus Christ as our foundation all marriages can succeed, be healed, and restored.

This movie is worth seeing, and I would see it again in a heartbeat.   Please pray it will touch couples nationwide and show that marriage and love is not a fight, but it is something worth fighting for, regardless of the circumstances.