Life happens.  There are times when a major life change occurs that you didn’t want and/or expect.

When these changes occur, you can’t let it stop you.  It may slow you down a bit but you can’t let it stop you from living life.  With that said, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t knock the wind out of your sails.  Even after you start to regain your balance, you may still feel a sense of emptiness in the area in which this change occurred, even years after the incident you may still feel like something is missing.

By now I am sure you know I am referring specifically to divorce, but that doesn’t limit the feeling of a void from other  life changes or  traumatic experience that will through you off balance, knock the wind out of you and slow you down for a season.  That is okay, you have to take time to recover.

Once you start coming out of your fog and start feeling steady on your feet again you may still miss something from the loved one who left, regardless of the terrible hurt and pain someone else caused you there will still be some things that you miss from that person.

Sometimes what you miss is something you never really had but always wished you had. Regardless,  it is natural to miss something from a broken relationship or other major life change.

A good healing process is to take time to think through what you miss most about the loss you have experienced.  Write down those things and then find a support network that can support you where the void exists for a season.  It will never replace the loss the loved one created, but it is important to fill the void, make sure it is just for a season, don’t use a support network as a crutch, more as a stepping stone.

Fill the void, don’t fill the spot.  By that I mean don’t find a replacement partner,  fill the void of support you miss.  If you are starting a new business, hook up with other people who are also starting a new business, who have traveled down a road you are now traveling on.   If you are a working mom, find other working moms who are in a similar situation as you…get a support network.  Build your strength back up.

You may miss not having that special someone there to talk too, someone who is on your side and your side alone.  Find a support network of people that are on your path.  They will not be solely on your side as they have their own families, but they are on your path.  They are a network you can bounce ideas off.  Is it the same as bouncing things off the person you miss….no, but it will fill the void.

Don’t let a life change stop you.  Don’t let a void stop you cold in your tracks.  Grieve for a season, then pick yourself up, brush yourself off, reach up to Christ for a foundation of support, fill your voids with solid support networks and move forward.

So many people have  passed through my life who have experienced tragic events in their past.  Actually, very few people have not had some traumatic event at some point in their childhood or as a young adult.  An event that lives within them every day as they go through life as an adult.

The level of the hurt and trauma of the event is as different as each person that has lived through it.   The hurts and life effecting actions range from the death of parents, to sexual abuse, rejection, abandonment.  Some have never experienced the love they so yearn for from their parents while others suffer from the guilt of being responsible for the death of a sibling.  As with the different levels of hurt there are just that many different types of hurt.

There is nothing that can diminish the severity of this life altering event, nor is there anything that can take it away or remove it from your memory.  It, in part, has made you who you are today.  That leads me to this post.  Who are you today?

Are you allowing that tragic event and hurt to control you today?  Is it something that you live for instead of live with?

I know several people who are allowing an event they had no control over in their past control the events of their present.  Instead of them taking control over the past event, they are allowing it to take control over them.

Some have allowed their past hurt to fester and control them  so much that it has cause them to lose their marriage, caused them to become addicted to drugs or alcohol.  It has caused them to be unable to hold a job, have anger issues, or hold such a since of isolation and sometimes superiority that they are unable to get along with or understand the hurts of  others.  Some put up a wall that is so high and so thick that they don’t allow anyone to get close to them and push away those who love them and they don’t allow themselves to get close to others.

They are allowing the trauma that they hate so much to control their life and lose out on what God wants to give them and that is true peace and enjoyment of life as it is now….today.

The past can not be changed, but you do have the power and control of  your today and tomorrow.

You have the power through Christ Jesus to improve your life today by making peace with your yesterday.  Living in the past hurt and trauma is giving control to that hurt as well as those that hurt you.  Raise above it and them by making peace.   If it is an individual who hurt you, forgive them and make peace.

If you kept record of our sins,  no one could last long. But you forgive us, and so we will worship you.    With all my heart,  I am waiting, LORD, for you!  I trust your promises. Psalm 130:3-5 CEV

Most important of all, you must sincerely love each other, because love wipes away many sins. 1 Peter 4:8 CEV

By doing so you are taking back control, it isn’t an easy thing to do and can only be d0ne, in my opinion, with Jesus Christ, but by doing so, you are changing your life  from that moment forward.  It will allow you to take control of who you are today.   Just as the bad event molded your life from the past, making peace with it will change your life in the future.  Taking control of today, living for today not what happened yesterday.

Open yourself up, break down your wall.  You have survived what occurred prior so nothing can hurt you worse in your future.  You are stronger than you realize.  Taking control of your today allows for you to plan your tomorrow.

Plan your life for the future.  Look forward not backward.  Set goals.  Goals are a way that says “I am in control.” Setting them means you have a plan.  Some don’t set goals for fear of not meeting the goal, they feel that will make then a failure.  Missing a goal does not make you a failure it makes you a success, because it shows you can try, you are focused on the future instead of living in the past.

Missing a goal is another way of learning.   Personally I have many times learned more by missing a goal than by meeting a goal.

My purpose here is not to down play what has happened to you in the past, it was awful.  My purpose here is to encourage you to accept your past and make peace with it, so you can become who God intents you to be today and tomorrow.  Honor Him by moving forward, and taking control of your today and planning your tomorrow.

May God guide your steps as you heal, grow and move forward.

Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.  Jeremiah 33:3 NIV